Eyes of an Angel

Sea of Faces by Kutless

2010-11-21T00:49:00.001-05:00

I absolutely love the words to this song and heard it tonight while playing Video Games with my Hubby...

I see the city lights all around me
Everyone's obscure
Ten million people each with their problems
Why should anyone care

And in Your eyes I can see
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

Sometimes my life it feels so trivial
Immersed in the greatness of space
Yet somehow you still find the time for me
It's then You show me Your love

And In Your eyes I can see
And in Your arms I will be
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

If only my one heart
Was all you'd gain from all it cost
Well I know you would have still been a man
With a reason
To willingly offer your life

I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

Just one in a million faces

A Glance at the Past

2010-08-06T18:12:00.002-04:00

Some favorite picks from my past that highlight my Journey to where I am now. It was an interesting one...and I think I've kind of adopted it as my Testimony...

And the Tears Fall

Unspoken

Who Am I

Dreamer
The event that occurred on 7/5 was my best friend Kim and my ex-boyfriend Alex started dating...

Trust and Obey

Lover of my Soul
- The end of my destruction and the beginning of my rebuilding

Crazy People and Steady Father

A Mighty Oak

And then there was peace

Another Day
This one vaguely references the episode in Genesis where Jacob wrestles with God

So You Want to go Back to Egypt

Of Ships and Sailing Wax

Simplicity

Honestly

Untitled

Houston, We have a Problem
Ironically, this one is about my future husband about 9 months before we started dating...

Give thanks for your suffering...

This is Me...

More on Forgiveness
Truly, forgiveness is a lot harder than anyone ever let on in Sunday School Class

The Dark Glass

Pray Boldly

Logically Speaking
I wrote this for a friend who was struggling with logically defending his faith when he was starting to doubt in its truth himself. He's actually the one who told me not to delete the Livejournal blog.

Laugh without Fear
The healing becomes obvious finally!

Time to Move
I never did move...the same night my Uncle called me to tell me he couldn't find me a job, I was in the middle of a conversation with future hubby, realizing this could actually be something...coincidentally, both their names are Paul (The Uncle and the Hubby)

Fear
I'm getting there...

So Lost
The day before the best Valentine's Day of my life. Can't believe there are no posts on that. Just a simple IM from California - "Happy Valentine's Day" - I was smiling the rest of the day (and we weren't dating yet).

Journey
Finally, peace...healing... It took 2 weeks from this date for me to realize my hubby was pursuing me; three weeks before we started dating. It was a long 18 months from our first meeting to this, but I refuse to forget any of this - period.

I wrote "One thing's definitely for sure - when I'm at my next destination, I want to realize that that's where I am and enjoy it" in So you want to go back to Egypt. I will never forget because I will never stop appreciating where I am now. I will never forget because I will never take the blessings God has given me for granted.

Election Blues

2010-08-06T16:47:00.002-04:00

So Florida Primaries are in all of 18 more days and I have no clue who to vote for Governor.

Its getting frustrating because the more time that passes, the more dirt the candidates dig up on the other.

So which is it? The possibly (likely) corrupt business man with the proven ability to build something out of absolutely nothing when Florida is bankrupt like every other blue state out there (funny, cuz we're traditionally a red state...I guess we're more purple at the moment - like our current Governor)?

Or should I go with the career politician (who is also likely corrupt) who is careless with tax-payer money, but has excellent political stances on all issues albeit one - being illegal immigration?

I was happy when Rick Scott wasn't mud-slinging and it was making it easier. I respected him for acknowledging what happened and refusing to throw mud at McCollum - but as more dirt is dug up, the less acknowledging he gets and the more he engages in the same behavior. Its making the election rather difficult, to say the least.

So...any helpful advice in going into elections? I'd love it if any of you could help a poor girl out - How do you balance character and policies when neither one of them has very good character?

Rick Scott for Governor
Bill McCollum for Governor

California Ruling

2010-08-06T09:29:00.002-04:00

Yes - I'm against gay marriage. But honestly, it doesn't bother me that much that Massachusets has it.

Yes - I'm against Homosexuality. But honestly, I don't have a problem with people who practice it.

What BOTHERS me - and has me totally confused how ANYONE could be okay with this - is that voters' choice has been rendered irrelevant. You REALLY want to live in a world where your vote is pointless?

Imagine a day and age - it is coming - where YOU are the ones being attacked by your government and the majority rules in favor of protecting you. You are okay with the precedent being set that the ruling class can take choices away from you with the drop of a hat?

Somehow, I doubt it.

Answer to Matt

2010-07-29T13:05:00.002-04:00

I have mostly Christian friends. Two of my male friends are married. Their wives happen to be my friends, too. The thing is, having heard all of the stories on MRA/MGTOW sites, I have a sense of negativity about their marriages. What I mean is, I have a nagging feeling that just because it didn't go so well for some other men out there, that my friends' marriages might not go well, either. Do you have any advice on how to deal with that? I hope that my friends' marriages will last and they won't get divorced, but the statistics on divorce that I read about are just so bad. Especially the statistics that indicate Christian divorce rates are higher than secular divorce rates.

I've been married all of 18 months. I'm not old and wise. I'm not above reproach. I haven't even made it through the "7-year-itch" yet.

However, there were things that I understood about marriage before I ever said yes to the proposal.

I knew I wouldn't always feel in love with my husband - that the "feeling" is just that - a feeling. And feelings are as flighty as a feather in a tornado. Just because I don't feel all gooey inside and my knees don't knock when I gaze deep in his eyes doesn't mean I don't love him. I was once in a relationship where I broke up with the guy everytime I was PMSing (my first boyfriend) and that's when I instituted my rule of no major decisions for 1.5 weeks out of the month.

I learned at an early age that you love even when you don't feel like it. My mom taught me that quite effectively while dealing with my siblings. Its probably not a big help that not many people teach that. Yes, occassionally my face gets all warm and a flood of happiness washes over me that will have me wiping away tears - but that happens maybe once in a blue moon and usually when I take the time to stop and look back and realize how happy and lucky I am.

But I'm different from a lot of women out there - I didn't date much. In fact, a total of 2 failed relationships taught me all I needed to know about starting a healthy relationship (success!) I didn't date much - though I always wanted to fall in love, get married, and have babies. So actually finding a man that loved me and that I loved back - who didn't resort to shaming tactics to gain my undying devotion - was something I wasn't willing to let go. I'm not taking this for granted.

Something else I practice in my personal life is that "divorce" is not a part of my dictionary. And so far, so good. Yeah, there are rough moments - the first year really is not that easy - and I've wanted to run home to mom and dad. But I know I can't because I made a promise - and so I stay and we work it out - and a wonderfully blessed quality of my husband is that he lets go of my transgressions rather easily and quickly. I think he's still mad at me and I'll be sitting there stewing over something and he'll open his mouth and say something that's completely without malice and has absolutely nothing to do with our argument - its like nothing ever happened.

What I have to say to you is that your friends' marriages are sacred in God's eyes and blessed by God. They will not always like eachother, you may see a nagging side to the wives, you may hear horror stories of marriage from the husbands - but as long as they are proactively seeking God and eachother, then they can work it out and they will build a happy and long marriage.

If your friends and their wives are anything like you and what I've seen on your blog, then the divorce statistics are not likely to apply. Those statistics among Christians with divorce are more than likely those that call themselves so and aren't actively practicing and seeking God. If they are and they have good mentoring relationships with other couples in a church, they are much less likely to end up in divorce (and there are statistics proving that, as well).

I hope that helped - there are some huge problems we face thanks to sin in the world but marriage was created with those things in mind. Its not impossible to succeed at it. It is hard though. But then, very few things worth doing are all that easy.

Challenge

2010-07-16T19:53:00.002-04:00

I'm going to try not to use my husband's shortcomings (no matter how amusing or how innocently I portray them) in anymore posts.

It will be hard because I tend to be on the anecdotal side when writing and it will be challenging to present some of my ideas (like the completion of husband and wife) without it, but I will try to do that.

However, men in general are not safe.

Excuse me because I think my son finally did what I have been expecting him to do since he could crawl - eating the cat food. My sister and I were doing that so much earlier than him!

(The challenge came from Blooming Grace)

My Vision

2010-07-16T19:06:00.002-04:00

For some reason, especially after the criticism that I got from some "Anonymous", I've been feeling the need to clarify what I'm trying to do here on my blog.

I am not a Female MRA/MGTOW groupie. If you are coming here to find all censure of women and all praise of men, than go to an MRA blog. I am not going to be one of those women who cow-tow to prejudiced male opinion because I feel some kind of "Female Guilt".

I am not a Feminist. I will and have spoken to great length of my adverse opinion of Feminism. I do not do this because I think they have done some horrendous offense to men - I started this blog before I even knew what MRA/MGTOW was, before I knew how much fathers struggled in custody cases, and before I had any sympathy for single men who blew me off because I wasn't good enough for them.

I am a Christian. I write against Feminism because I believe it is against the word of God. And holding such a view, I will write and focus what I write against feminism towards that regard. Anti-Biblical.

Because I try to base my criticisms of Feminism biblically, I will also be highly critical of men - because they suffer from the same epidemic of humanity that women suffer from - SIN.

I will not be nice to men because they are so brutally treated by women. I will be nice to them out of their own right and because they are human - but I am not going to sit here and pretend that they are incapable of injustice, wrong-doing, abuse, greed, and pride.

I will, as an attempt to witness to any woman who stumbles across this blog, to provide a balanced background - which includes acknowledging struggles that women of history may have faced - but to always bring my readers to the point that God put in place a certain order for the world and how that can bring women peace and happiness in following it.

I have not always done a good job on this, I am not always focused on this, but that was my vision when I started this blog.

So any man that comes here and thinks I'm being too harsh on men because men are the victims here, I'll tell you to go and read your blogs on what you have to say about "White Guilt" and Black Victimization and take a real critical look at how you view yourself.

The Root of Feminism

2010-07-15T09:25:00.002-04:00

So lets take everything we've ever thought about Feminism and turn it on its head.

Origins: Eve

To the woman he said,
"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;
with pain you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you."
Genesis 3:16 (NIV)

I've heard this curse translated two ways. This way was intensely helpful in my dealing with my singleness and my lack of desire to be single. I wanted a husband - I desired a husband. The pain that this desire caused while God continued to refuse to fulfill it was unbearable. With all the stuff out there in the church saying "God is all you need" and "Be happy in your singleness", I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling this way.

Turns out there was, but it wasn't unique to me...it was an epidemic of sin in the hearts of all women.

The other way I've heard this translated was this:

Then he said to the woman,

“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy,
and in pain you will give birth.
And you will desire to control your husband,
but he will rule over you."
Genesis 3:16 (NLT)

This one would definitely prove that "Feminism" is a result of our original sin and it IS something we have to deal with. And this is where modern day feminism separates women into two groups:

Those who fight against their innate sin and humanity to be obedient to God and those who don't recognize this desire as sin.

Sure, probably most don't, but I think that showing mercy on those who do strive to fight against it, even if they fail in some (or many) areas is what God has called all men (and women) to do.

"Forgive me as I forgive those who sin against me"

Right or Wrong?

2010-07-14T11:17:00.002-04:00

As a retaliatory post to some of the anti-Woman stuff I've been reading, I decided to take a look at a rather unsavory woman and analyze her actions.

I'm not opposed to anti-feminist. I'm opposed to anti-woman. And yes, they are different. Contrary to what these men say, not every woman alive buys the Feminist stuff hook, line, and sinker. Yeah, the majority of women may have bought into some bad habits, but women in general were not, are not, and will never be the outright evil that some of these sites seem to perpetuate. I'm tired of all the hate-filled speech. I get enough of it listening to the news and keeping up with current affairs to put up with the hate towards the opposite gender from men (and women) who call themselves Christians.

So here's a story. I'm going to keep her name a secret for now because it tends to bias people and excuse her actions.

Essentially, this woman dressed as a prostitute, deceived and seduced a man, got pregnant, and claimed that man should support her and her offspring.

Wow. All this after she'd been labeled a Black Widow.

So unsavory a character - there's absolutely no excuse for her actions - NONE. How appalling...she is what gives all woman a bad name. She got away with it?!?! The BITCH! The outrage! She should be hanged! The deceitful witch and poor poor man - he shouldn't have to put up with her shit.

Yeah - that's the general direction any man would go in after hearing that story put up like that.

But here's a little more details into her story.

Her first husband, by no reason mentioned except he was a bad (very bad) man, ended up dead. No details about his death, no details as to who he was or what he did - he was just a very bad man. "Says who," you ask? Some liberal, pro-feminist journalist?

Her second husband was selfish and didn't want any children (well he did, just not with her). That wasn't ok, so he ended up dead. "She killed him and you still think that's ok?" It certainly would appear that she did kill him. And still I'm sticking up for her.

No man wanted to marry her after that - but it was intensely critical that she have a child - intensely critical. So she seduced a man and got pregnant with his child. Wow.

Still not much to condone here is it. These details just made her sound even worse. She's manipulative so she can have a baby because no one will marry her and give her kids? What kind of a woman is this?

Ok...throw in some more details.

Location: Canaan
Time Period: Post-Jacob-ish

Culture: When the husband of a woman dies without producing any heirs, she is then married to the eldest brother of the late husband to conceive and bear an heir for the first brother.

Ok. So this woman married a man who died without producing an heir (he was a very bad man). So she was married to his brother who didn't want HIS offspring to belong to his brother. So he ignored this tradition and refused to beget any child by his brother's wife. So he died.

Still no heir. And now she's been essentially labeled a "Black Widow" and her father-in-law refuses to let his youngest marry her because he might end up dead, too.

So what's a woman to do? Well, suck it up and deal you say. Well, normally they would. But for some bizarre reason this woman felt it was critical for her to have a child.

So she seduced her father-in-law by dressing as a prostitute and conceived a child by him.

The whore. Still no excuse.

Ok - one more detail. It had already been prophesied that the Messiah would come from the line of Judah. Who is the father-in-law in this story but the most esteemed Judah, son of Jacob, who from his seed comes the Lion of Judah.

Already prophesied*. Which means if Judah's line perishes, there can be no messiah. I don't know if this woman knew of this prophesy, but Judah certainly did. He was there when his father laid hands on him and made that prophesy.

Judah, your brothers will praise you;
your hand will be on the neck of your enemies;
your father's sons will bow down to you.

You are a lion's cub, O Judah;
you return from the prey, my son.
Like a lion he crouches and lies down,
like a lioness—who dares to rouse him?

The scepter will not depart from Judah,
nor the ruler's staff from between his feet,
until he comes to whom it belongs
and the obedience of the nations is his.

He will tether his donkey to a vine,
his colt to the choicest branch;
he will wash his garments in wine,
his robes in the blood of grapes.

His eyes will be darker than wine,
his teeth whiter than milk.

~ Genesis 49:8-12

So this woman, who I'm sure you've guessed is Tamar, seduces her father-in-law because she does believe that it is her singular responsibility as a member of the covenant to produce an heir for her husband's family.

And an heir she does indeed produce. For she is one of the only woman (of five) to be listed in the lineage of Christ. No small feat, that, in a patriarchal society where the mother is not that big a deal to have your name forever etched in history as part of the Messiah's pedigree.

Of all the horrid and despicable things she did, her saving grace was obedience to the God of Abraham and Jacob.

Perhaps there's more saving grace out there for some more women.

This story is found in Genesis 38

*Note: The prophesy takes place in Chapter 49 while Tamar's story is in Chapter 38. I know there are some chronological issues with Genesis so I remain unclear if the prophesy took place before or after Tamar. However, I believe that the refusal to continue the lineage by Judah's second son was so heinous to God to deserve him struck dead was because of this Prophesy - not necessarily because God is against the use of Birth Control.

What do I hate most?

2010-07-14T08:14:00.002-04:00

As much as I like to rant against Feminism and what it has done for the relations between men and women, I often think about what Feminism was retaliating against.

Do I think they were right in retaliating? No. Do I think the actions perpetuated prior to the feminist movement were ok? No. But I strongly believe two wrongs (or three wrongs or four wrongs) do NOT make a right.

I often hear men from the MRA side bemoaning the loss of the 1950's era. "Those good old days" when fathers were looked up to as the backbone of the family, strong and respected. Mr. Cleaver vs Homer (the differences in address was done on purpose). One deserves respect while the other, our ridicule. Men were seen as strong and upstanding citizens, hard workers, and disciplined fathers and husbands.

Women? They were respectful, modest, demure, wonderful cooks and housekeepers, good mothers, and lovely wives.

They were also belittled (politics is too complex for your brain) or convinced that what they do at home all day is absolutely nothing. You remember that 1950's article on a good wife? You know the one that says to have dinner ready when he walks in the door (commendable), be napped (I like this), and refresh yourself with powdering your nose so you look well rested and fresh when he comes home (nice, though a bit unrealistic)? Yeah - the article also says to give him space, let him relax, and take a load off because he's been working all day. And she hasn't? So she doesn't deserve to take a load off?

No wonder women became so angry. But instead of standing up for what they do, they believed that housework and raising children is a lazy and useless job - so they all fought for the right to leave the home and enter the workforce. They did in the 30's and they helped get us out of the depression and supplied many goods to our men fighting in Europe and the Pacific. It was valuable then, so why not now? So they fought and they won and now rarely does a woman stay home and cook, clean, look after children, and make herself presentable and refreshed for her husband - besides, it was useless work anyway.

And now men lament that they don't do that anymore. But still, they are harsh in their criticism of the work done at home. They belittle the value of that work - and in so doing, belittle the value of the woman doing that work.

To these men, women still appear to be worth nothing. They still think that the place for a woman is in the home and that that position is worthless. Nevermind that they miss it and see a need for it (rendering it worthwhile) but they would never admit to this.

They are just as wrong.

Better to live in the wilderness than with an angry and contentious woman.

Try and find one that isn't either of these.

So in conclusion, what do I hate most? I hate the sin that entered this world and made us so angry with eachother to the point that we are unable to look to God for answers and obey his laws even when those around us do not.

Oh Inventiveness

2010-07-11T08:50:00.003-04:00

I was flipping through channels during naptime one day and came across the opening sequence for the show "Yes, Dear" on TBS (I think...)

One of the snippets had me cracking up because it was indicative of a scenario that I have actually been in.

The smart dad in the show (the one with an accounting job) is in a public restroom stall with his 8-12 month old son hanging from the bathroom stall's coat peg by his hoodie jacket.

I can just see it now - the dad was shopping, suddenly needed to go (like GO), found himself in the stall with a baby in his arms and had no clue what to do with him. So he looks around dumbfounded and confused thinking "what do I do now???" and discovers the peg.

Honestly, I can relate because I've been there. With seats in shopping carts, I don't always take a stroller. Suddenly needing to go presents you with a very interesting and awkward situation...

Well, I was looking for the picture from the show to post here and instead, I found this:

I'm apparently not the only parent who has found themselves in such a situation...

Liberal

2010-07-09T09:35:00.002-04:00

This word has me thinking a LOT.

Its such an interesting word because its literal meaning and its use are totally different - and yet totally the same.

Think about it - the word's base is the same as the following:

"I feel so liberated without those tight jeans on!"
"Be liberal with the peanut butter - I love it."
"With Liberty and Justice for all."

So how does this word that literally translates into freedom somehow be viewed dy conservatives as being the exact opposite?

This question has had me thinking a lot about the word and I started differentiating between Social Liberalism and Political Liberalism.

They ARE very different - Social Liberalism cares about the freedoms of the individual. Free to dress the way I want, Free to sleep with whoever I want, Free to sleep with however many peopole I want, Free to have an abortion if I want. It screams I am free to be me without ANY boundaries whatsoever.

As a Christian, I believe in freedom of self - but to an extent. To me, my limits on my freedom are supplied by my faith. And that is a choice I am free to make. I strongly question just how liberal we all should be, which defines the debate between social liberals and conservatives.

On the other hand, you have Political Liberalism. It is the exact opposite of Social Liberalism which makes me so surprised that the two so frequently go hand in hand. Political Liberalism believes in the Freedom of Government. It is free to be as big, as powerful, and oppressive as it wants. The more freedom you give the government, the more freedom you give them to do whatever they want to we the people.

I heard this old Ronald Reagan speech last night on Socialized Health Care from 1961. He opened up the speech with a quote from the leading Socialist Party Candidate for President, Farrell Dobbs. Essentially, he said that as long as the Socialist Party was called the Socialist Party, its support would be minimal. But if it were to be called the Liberal Party, it would gain the support to take power.

And how true he was - because that word has been so associated with Freedom and the object of that Freedom is so obfuscated in that title. But Socialist is not. Socialism is Freedom of Government. Socialism is not freedom for the "We the People".

Those First Birthday Pictures

2010-06-30T15:09:00.004-04:00

Oh he is absolutely adorable.

"I Need Dad"

2010-06-30T14:52:00.002-04:00

So his cries said.

I'm an attentive mother. You might not know it when you catch me taking a cat nap on the couch while my son dumps easter eggs all over the floor, but I know what he's doing all the time.

My attention to him has also earned me a degree in "Ethan Cry Translation". That cry means "Feed Me", this one screams "I'm mad at you", and others whine "I need a nap". I'm usually right on the first try when it comes to caring for cries.

And for the most part, I take care of them and suffice to fulfill his needs. Dad is around for play-time. Mommy is the "take care of me" parent.

Until that one night. Ethan has had nightmares before - I hear they get more frequent as they progress in the transportation stages (crawling and walking). Ethan is no stranger to falling. As a "bobble-head" as my sister calls him, his top-heaviness has earned him a crash out of his crib all the way to falling out of the bathtub (that one had me cracking up as he cried in my arms...I couldn't help it). He knows falling hurts, so I assume most of his nightmares have been about falling.

Normally, when he has one of these nightmares, he wakes up screaming - not a cry saying "Mommy I'm awake", but "Mommy I'm scared". Yes, I say mommy because I'm the one that answers and he's ok with it. But one night, his cry was totally different. It was still fear, but it was more - it was terror. I've never heard him cry like that before.

I went to get him and I held him and he clung to me and wouldn't stop screaming. For an hour, Ethan and I tried different things. From bottle to tylenol for pain relief. Nothing worked. He wouldn't stop for a second. He was still screaming like he was terrified when I put him in his bed and tried something different.

As one of those women who strongly believes men are the protectors of the home, I went and woke up my husband asking if he'd try something for me. I told him Ethan was scared and didn't want me and I thought maybe Daddy would be able to calm him down.

So, Hubby went into the room and picked up the screaming child and instantly, the cries stopped.

"Daddy is here. I'm safe." Not even 10 minutes in Daddy's arms and he went right back to sleep when we put him back in his crib. It was truly fascinating.

Movies, Friends, and all things Frustrating

2009-12-02T08:13:00.002-05:00

First on the list - Movies.

I've noticed something incredibly appalling in recent movies that involve violence.

It is no longer ok to just kill people on screen and imply other things. It is now apparently necessary to rape, too.

As interesting as the movie Law-Abiding Citizen was, they didn't need to include that.

Its so strange. My reaction to these scenes, you'd think I'd been raped at some point in my past. I go into hysterics, shaking and suddenly feeling absolutely freezing cold while sobbing. I'm ok with this reaction. Now, movie producers can go back to leaving stuff like that to people's more sinister imaginations.

Second is Friends.

I've lost the only two followers to this blog that I had. Both were college friends. One significantly closer to me than the other. Or at least used to be. Though the 2nd follower doesn't bother me that much (we were never really that close - we love Jane Austen and music). Its the first one that does.

I understand that I wrote something offensive to her that was inappropriate to post on a blog. I also understand that my dogmatic view on feminism has been causing some tension and that the blogs I link to, she has found appalling. But rather than engage in healthy debate, she makes a retaliation post on her blog and never responds to comments.

Because of the (specifically) two posts she found offensive, we haven't really been on good terms lately. And this seriously bothers me.

I don't understand it. She was one of my closest friends in college even though we didn't agree on feminism. There were a lot of people who no longer talk to me who I had considered my closest friends in college. And the ones that were not that close are the ones that still call me up, send me messages on my birthday, and more readily engage in debate without walking away with hurt feelings. I guess that's why I went with someone who wasn't so close to me to be a bridesmaid for my wedding.

What is "Realmannspracht"?

2009-11-10T09:09:00.003-05:00

Heh...you can get a good idea from this blog posting at one of my favoritest blogger's sites: The Spearhead

I left a comment there but its an old post, so I don't think anyone will really see it. But I think it was a good one and should be read. I believe it is fair and balanced to both sides - it also is disagreeable to both sides...

Like EW, I reference God of Christianity as the moral backdrop to my life, so keep in mind that what I am saying comes from this worldview.

Pro-Male / Anti-Feminist Tech said the following:

So much realmannspracht is defined based on women’s choices (i.e. if a woman marries you for socons or if a woman has sex with you for guys on the other end). This like so many other definitions of a “real man” (TM) fail all objectivity since they’re dependent on women.

This is very similar to what I’ve seen on some feminist blogs when it comes to the definition of physical “femininity”. Why is femininity always coming from the stance of what masculinity likes?

Renee said this on modesty…

Honestly, I think this all goes back to society attempting to control female sexuality and how female sexuality used to be (and today still in some circles) feared and seen as evil. It was a form of control in a way.

She’s absolutely right that modesty for women is a form of control on sexuality. But she’s wrong in thinking its a bad thing.

I also think she’s wrong that there is no modest code for men…there is. I’ve seen it first-hand – and I’ve seen immodest men aplenty on tv without nakedness.

You can’t use victorian definitions for applying modesty to chests, so you can’t use a man without a shirt vs women and breasts as an example of victorian modesty controlling female sexuality because women’s breasts were as everyday then as a man’s bare chest was – if not more. Necklines were so low to make breastfeeding easier (pop one out via style of the ‘immodest’ extreme la leche clubs that EW loves so much – amazing the tidbits of info you garner when researching breast feeding and renaissance gowns!).

But men were also held to modesty standards. Their trousers didn’t hang loosley around their hips so you could see the abdominal muscles as they trailed to the genital area like you see today in Abercrombi & Fitch adverts (and yes, that’s immodest and does make a girl stare); they were practically around their chests. For the longest time, men would only go shirtless in the company of other men or around their wives – if a lady was present, on came the shirt. It was immodest to be caught in your skivvies around a woman and to have bare leg showing (keep those stockings and garters on, men). It was also customary to show modesty in speech and behavior – you didn’t drink strong drinks or smoke cigars around a lady (brandy was reserved to after-dinner hours in the den where women were not allowed) nor was it acceptable to be vulgar, lewd, or brawly around a woman. There were standards for male modesty that controlled their sexuality just as much as women – its just that the modern day woman is not so readily willing or able to recognize the examples that history gives us of this.

(However, we also know that whorehouses were places where men could do all these things in the presence of a female without censorship)

Now my actual point – my argument against both Pro/Anti and Renee is the same – God did not create man (or woman) in a vaccuum. First, he created us for HIM. But he created us both male and female for eachother.

Its not a popular thought in today’s society to think that the female gender was created for men (for God saw that something was missing in just creating one gender) and that the female gender also requires the male to reciprocate. He created exactly what the male needed to make the world perfect when he created women by creating a gender who needed him.

And I think that with this world-view, it is not inappropriate to define certain aspects of masculinity and femininity; manhood and womanhood; male modesty and female modesty within a framework that considers the gender whose needs they were meant to fill.

So men will continue to shave their faces if their wives (or girlfriends or the female populace they care about) find this attractive and women will continue to shave their legs and armpits for the same reason. (Sorry for the simplistic example)

I just think that defining manhood and womanhood completely without consideration for the opposite results in an incomplete picture.

Gone

2009-11-10T02:54:00.002-05:00

Again.

Last trip of the year, though...and its only a week this time.

It sucks because I am so unhealthy when he's not here! Its a miracle that I stay alive. I don't eat right, I don't sleep right...the only one who wins is my new bed companion - when I make it into bed. You see...that means he eats all night.

At least one of us is well fed and well rested...

Morning Sickness Association

2009-10-19T09:33:00.002-04:00

It has been absolutely wonderful not having to deal with morning sickness.

Some things, though, have become so associated with the sickness that they still bring back memories and a bit of a tummy ache - like the smell of hotdogs, Smallville, and my brand new Mustang.

These things I can avoid, though. And I do. While pregnant and confined to a couch because getting up meant needing a bucket attached to my neck, I watched 4-5 seasons of Smallville. My car's smell made me unbearably sick, and though I craved them for all of 5 seconds at a time, the smell (and thought) of hot dogs made my tummy turn.

But here's the kicker. My morning sickness went through the entire winter months. It started in early October and lasted till February.

So now that the weather is cooling down and October feels like October, I find myself having a queasy tummy thanks to association.

How long is this supposed to last? This used to be my favorite time of year - am I going to be adverse to it for the rest of my life?

Adulthood

2009-10-13T17:35:00.003-04:00

So, I discovered broccoli from last night in the steamer...my left-overs.

And in the refrigerator, I have 1.5 heads of lettuce that are going bad...

On top of that, last night was the first meal in over a week that I've cooked.

As I walk out of my kitchen, I'm thinking to myself how horrible I am at this whole adult thing...I mean, who am I kidding? I can barely take care of myself and I'm caring for a baby.

And then I sit down to finish cleaning out the diaper bag and re-filling all the diaper wipe containers and it dawns on me. I would much rather be reading my book or playing a video game than doing what I'm doing, but here I am doing this. I'd much rather be watching TV than going shopping for food and clothes for Ethan, but I went shopping. And yeah, I slip up a LOT and do what I would rather be doing more often than I should, but I have a decently clean house, a well fed and clean baby and there IS food in the refrigerator.

Adulthood - you know when you are there when you choose to do what NEEDS to be done before you do what you WANT to do - and that is something that comes with age and maturity.

Twilight Saga

2009-10-12T14:07:00.003-04:00

Strange that I'm reading these books. I'm not much for following trends and even more so, I tend to avoid books that are recommended to me (I'm a rebel, what can I say).

Initially, I deeply mistrusted the source of the first recommendation, knowing full well that I had a lot of issues with her reading choices. But I got so desperate for books that I started reading the Harry Potter books (again) while taking brief stints into Historical books like The Battle of Salamis written by a Cornell University History professor and The Eight Wives of Henry VIII.

Finally, one more person suggested I read it - and the source was one I felt I could trust. So...I've read the first two books.

They are addicting. Woefully so. Frustratingly so. And if I were a member of the target audience, these books would be so incredibly unhealthy.

Luckily, I'm older and wiser and am in a healthy relationship, so I recognize this girl's obsession as being unhealthy. I'm wise enough to recognize how wrong the dynamics are playing out and it bothers me that these books were written for young adults that don't know better.

Its such an oxymoronic relationship - on one hand you have a girl in a relationship with a guy who is a gentleman - but her obsession with him would make you think it was an emotionally abusive relationship. Her dependence on him is excruciatingly painful to witness. And then the male half of the relationship - he has the wisdom and maturity to know that this relationship isn't a good one but acts as a selfish child in fulfilling his selfish desires to be with her.

All in all, I wouldn't mind that part so much if the girl was more capable of healthy, emotional boundaries - alas, she's not.

And in the 2nd book it gets even worse when Edward leaves Bella and she's convinced he doesn't love her anymore...and in her attempts to recover over her loss of him, she becomes attached to another boy who loves her - and she loves him, just not as much as she loved Edward - who, by the end of the book when Edward comes back because he can't live without Bella, this boy is ultimately crushed.

Its hard to watch and it makes me uneasy with how careless the author treats her characters and how irresponsible she is towards her target audience - an audience who doesn't know better when it comes to developing healthy emotional boundaries in relationships.

The author likes to say she is influenced by L.M. Montgomery and Anne of Green Gables, but while I was reading these books, I didn't see it - Bella may be learning what is unhealthy and self-destructive, but she does nothing to put a stop to her self-destructive behavior - unlike Anne Shirley, who, upon recognizing a poor choice, does her best to avoid such trouble in the future. And Anne maintains proper boundaries to a well-enough extent that you don't feel hurt for a rejected suitor...he's left with enough of his heart to more easily move on.

However, i did come across one quote from the author that I find is a good thing and her books to a good job of illustrating it -

Other major themes of the series include choice and free will. Meyer says that the books are centered around Bella's choice to choose her life on her own, and the Cullens' choices to abstain from killing rather than follow their temptations: "I really think that's the underlying metaphor of my vampires. It doesn't matter where you're stuck in life or what you think you have to do; you can always choose something else. There's always a different path."

(From wikipedia)

Unfortunately, this theme is really subtle and would require discussion on the books with an older/wiser for a younger audience to really pick up on it.

And to be quite frank, as I stated in another blog post on this subject, I think parents nowadays are too lazy to engage with their children on this stuff.

Interesting post

2009-10-09T18:01:00.000-04:00

I'll provide some more info later - baby is demanding today...
Feminism and Christianity

Back to the Point

2009-10-07T10:26:00.002-04:00

You know, I had originally started this blog for a friend of mine who is a feminist.

I really have gone in the wrong direction on it, but it started pretty well. Pretty much, the idea was to do a Bible study through scripture, highlighting the parts that talk about womanhood and manhood.

I'm not much into the minute details of specific passages - I hate tearing a passage to pieces to find out its real meaning instead of using its context for meaning. I find it tedious and pointless. Context is more than just the surrounding verses - its the entire book. The whole thing paints a picture and if two parts seemingly contradict, then you have something wrong in your thinking.

I've trained myself to rethink when i come across things that may appear to contradict so that I may better understand - and I have no need of a ton of language lessons to figure this out.

Problem with pursuing this is that more than just Feminism makes my skin crawl - a world that ignores consequences also rankles me - and so do parents that over-shelter rather than educate their children. I get off track a bit...

I also want to take a less (and more) critical look of feminism - what it is, how its used, and all its different forms - the less evil-intentioned of this group believe there's a need for it - and it has nothing to do with making men subject to women and everything to do with protecting themselves.

I will never change my mind that feminism is a product of a lack of trust. Its a lack of trust in God, foremost - because to obey him means to subjugate herself to a man (a father or husband) and let him be the ruler of her.

Considering how difficult it is to learn to trust the people around you who clearly love you, I don't find it at all out of scope that it would be difficult to learn to trust God...trusting that he has plans not to destroy you but to give you hope and a future.

It also is a lack of trust in men in the general, husbands specifically. History has marked men as taking advantage of scripture that gives them power. From laws to lack of laws, moments in history have taken advantage and abused women.

It is true that feminism has left a mark on history, as well - a mark that generally goes unrecognized when it shouldn't. The decades prior to the fall of the greatest empire the world has seen was prolific with Feminism - in a very bad way. Its just that those moments have been shortlived, so don't garner much attention.

I believe, strongly, that scripture is the only source of equal treatment of men and women. It outlines how we should live with eachother. Its not all that we want to hear - there are some very difficult things to swallow in it - but it is the best way. Its not just women that have difficult things to do - men do to. Both sides.

But in a world where one or the other can take advantage of an imbalance in power, how do you promote laws that protect both? Women write laws that protect women and shame men. Men write laws that protect men and shame women. They both have evil tendencies to be selfish and protect ways of life that benefit one over the other. They also have a tendency to protect evil desires of their gender to their own demise - such as protection of sexual freedom (both genders are guilty of this).

I came across this idea not so long ago as it applied to Captialism - it can not exist in a world void of moral and ethical values. The same goes for gender equality.

Where do we go from here?

Book Banning or Education?

2009-09-29T12:25:00.002-04:00

There's some parents in Leesburg that are all upset about some books in the public library that involve teen drug-use and sex that were put into the young-adult (teenager) section of the library.

Funny, cuz the books are the literary version of the popular CW show Gossip Girl.

There's other merchandise out there with the Gossip Girl name on it to - its like a more racy version of Hannah Montana in the marketing they have going on.

TV shows spawn books due to frenzied popularity - and who do you think is watching the 8:00 show on weeknights and buying the Gossip Girl logo on their clothes?

Oh...the teenagers that these parents are attempting to protect by banning the exact same content from the library.

On a post about Credit Cards at Boundless, Heather had this to say and it echoes my sentiments nearly perfectly:

I'm a little ambivalent. One side of me says that we should educate college students (and high school and middle school students, too) and then let them make choices and deal with the consequences. But the other side says that yes, someone should have to prove that they have a self-produced income stream before being allowed to enter into the adult financial world.

I can't help but feel that these parents are being lazy in pursuing book banning rather than teaching their children how to make good and wise decisions in the media they choose to entertain themselves with and the choices they make in how they live their life.

After all, the tv show was inspired by the incredible plethora of sex and drugs in the school system now - pursuits that surround the children of these over-the-top parents.

Income Adventure!

2009-09-27T17:45:00.002-04:00

So, FINALLY, I have things put in place to start an At-Home-Business to help pay off those horrid student loans!

Stina's Web Design

I'm excited. In web portfolios, I have one more site that will be added very very soon - but the client is trying to find his hosting information =p

Strange Dreams

2009-09-26T00:27:00.002-04:00

You know, I hate it when my husband is on travel. Going to sleep is the worst, though.

Lately, I've been having the strangest dreams that make me incredibly uneasy. And I dont' feel rested at all in the morning after them.

Pretty much, in my dreams my husband doesn't exist. And I live my life as if he doesn't - but the entire time I have this nagging feeling that something isn't right...that something important is missing. Its like a craving for something that I don't know yet.

So, I'll end up dating someone and not feeling right about it because its as if they aren't the person I'm supposed to be with...I feel uneasy and push them away, not certain what it is I'm looking for.

Occassionally, I'll find him and I'll sleep peacefully the rest of the night...but most of the time, he's not there...

/sigh - I wonder how military wives handle this...

Christian Debate and Accountability?

2009-09-25T16:59:00.002-04:00

Ever since I wrote my post to "my feminist friend", I've been seriously struggling with some issues.

I caught some flack for it, which is why its down now. I have my reasons for capitulating -
1) It wasn't right for me to attack this person's beliefs in such a public forum. I'm not quite certain what provoked me to do it, but I don't think it had much to do with her...other than her stance on the issue is constantly in my mind - CONSTANTLY.

2) Her faith in Christ is real and holding to something in a dogmatic way and allowing that to destroy a friendship isn't worth it. In essence, I was attacking a belief she has that has no bearing on her eternal soul - just a disagreement on an issue that I believe my way will lead to an easier life and she believes her way is the easier life.

How, as christians, do we proceed? I find myself with butterflies in my stomach wondering if i should go to a function tomorrow where she might be (and the other person who attacked me for that post) and i don't know how to proceed.

A part of me wants to debate this issue...the other part wants to forget about it.

For some reason, I'm more able to let go of political differences than this one (and abortion). I don't really know what to do...

Grumpy 5 Month Olds

2009-09-16T14:31:00.001-04:00

I hate teething.

He's such a sweetheart, but now he's grumpy all the time! It sucks cuz there's nothing I can do about it and his mouth is too small for all his teething toys.

Poor lil guy.

Paranoia

2009-09-09T13:03:00.002-04:00

So...today I woke up with a sore throat.

My eyes are heavy and my forehead is warm (not hot...I doubt I have a fever).

Ethan has been cranky for the last 2 days which is totally unlike him.

Are we getting sick?

What if its the swine flu?

Old Treasure Recovered

2009-09-05T15:15:00.004-04:00

Fairies
Come hither, my child
And listen to my tale.
A story so fleeting it flies on the wings of Wind,
So beautiful that it only is percieved at that infinitesimal moment of twilight,
So innocent, it has yet to be concieved by the minds of men.

I will take you first to the light of day
Where paths of sunlight guide you to fields of rubies
Sapphire greets you from heaven above and cloud's soft shapes take form
The sunlight dances as you prance barefoot through emerald grasses
Then notice the fire glinting off wings of sprites with long golden hair and mischeivous eyes.

Next you will see the soft glows of sunset
When day kisses the earth goodbye
Colors of roses sing sweet songs of love as sun gives way to moon
Though dazzling sun gives eyes delight, be weary of the artists
Who, with small brushes in hand, paint hues of time upon their tapestry - the sky.

Swiftly, be quick, as setting sun turns dark!
And catch the first sign of twilight - a star shining in deep blue abyss
Avert your eyes not or you might miss the last sign of twilight - the first star of night
And once your eyes catch sight of the first light of dark, look quick for the culprit who sees fit not to let night be black.
There he will be, skipping specks of light across the deepening sea of ebony.

Last of all comes the glory of night.
The moon sketches paths of beauty and light.
Her coolness brings peace and sparkles like diamonds upon dew covered grass
Though Jasmine may cause you to drift on sweet dreams, take heed first to small feet
Who kiss sleeping earth with droplets of love and gaurd her til her lover returns.

At last my tale is told and done
My child, I hope you believed the fairies all told
And your innocent eyes alone will catch glimpse
For as years pass by the fairies will hide
And all you will see is the beauty left behind.

A Defense of Infant Baptism

2009-09-03T23:49:00.002-04:00

I've been challenged to provide a biblical defense of the Catholic Tradition of baptism (as opposed to the Baptist Tradition). Pretty much, Catholic Tradition is Infant Baptism and Baptist Tradition is Believer's Baptism.

Many people have attempted this before and failed, so I don't expect that I will succeed in changing his mind that Infant Baptism is just plain wrong. I do want to make it clear that my purpose is not to claim one wrong and the other right; or to claim one is better than the other. After long thought and prayer, I have determined that the theologies behind the two traditions of baptism are very different.

Baptists and those who believe in Believer's Baptism believe it is just that - baptism once you believe. Some of them will even claim that you aren't really saved unless you've been baptized after confession. I don't agree with that group of people - I strongly believe that salvation does not require baptism to be true. I believe that baptism is simply an expression of faith, like fasting and long hours of meditation.

To those that simply believe baptism shouldn't occur until after belief is established, I don't disagree with you and your theology. I find it a good thing. However, I also find that Infant baptism serves its purpose, as well - and is, in fact, biblical. It simply derives its theology from something much older.

This is in two parts. The first addresses the theology behind infant baptism. The second tackles some conceptions that I think are false when it comes to belief in Christ.

First, when Christ came, he made it clear that he was not coming to abolish the law, but to fulfill it (Matthew 5:17). There were commandments that were given in the Old Testament by God to prepare the people for the coming of Christ. Examples are the command to never forget the passover - for the signs given at the passover were repeated when Christ died...and anyone who religiously practiced the passover meal would have recognized those signs (Exodus 12:14). There are others, but hashing this point isn't relevant to this argument.

Another command that was given was that when a gentile chose to become a follower of Jehovah, he had to be circumcised (Genesis 17:10-11) - and so did his whole household (Genesis 17:12-14). In essence, when one chose to become a part of the covenant, his entire family was commanded to become a part of the covenant - regardless of their own feelings on the issue. Examples of this being carried out in scripture include Dinah's lover and his kingdom (Genesis 34) and the risk of Moses' son's life due to his lack of circumcision (Exodus 4:24-27).

Because the Catholic Tradition of baptism is one of a convenantal nature, its theology derives from the Old Testament's method of entering the covenant.

Where Believer's Baptism is an expression of faith of the person being baptized, Infant baptism is an expression of faith of the parents of the child being baptized. To them, this is their declaration of their covenantal bond with Christ a promise to do as God commanded in Deuteronomy - not once, but twice.

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
~Deuteronomy 6:5-9

¹⁸Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ¹⁹ Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ²⁰ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, ²¹ so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.
~Deuteronomy 11:18-21

In the Catholic Tradition, parents take full responsibility for their child's faith until they are adults and can claim responsibility for their own faith - just as the jews did and still do when their children come of age. In the Catholic Tradition, it is Confirmation. For the Jews, it is a Bar or Bat Mitzvah - a ceremony where the now young adults take everything they have learned from their parents and accept it as their own faith.

And this brings me to the second part - the matter of belief. Many who believe in the Believer's Baptism believe that only when a person reaches an appropriate age of responsibility can he make a concious claim of faith. The Catholic Tradition doesn't place that stipulation on belief. An 18 month old singing songs in her crib as the sun pours through, conciously aware of the one who created the sun, is capable of true belief. The 4 year old who cries when Jesus dies in his children's bible and shouts with joy that "Jesus is alive!" when he comes back to life is just as capable of true belief. The 6 year old who gives her favorite bible away to a girl whose parents are atheists because she was asking questions about God and Jesus is just as capable of true belief. Even Jesus claimed that more people should have faith like children. If we all had such blind faith like children, wouldn't that mean that none of us should be capable of a concious, reasonable decision of faith? (Matthew 10:15)

For those raised in Christian homes that are taught daily the Christian faith, a child can come to an adult understanding of Christ without ever having that "pivotal moment" of confession and faith. For them, every day is a living confession of faith and there is no remembrance of a life without Christ because he has always been a part of their lives.

And to these children and their parents, Infant baptism is a valid and even right and true expression of faith.

I don't intend for the one who challenged me to change his views on baptism in so much that Believer's Baptism is what he chooses to follow. I do, however, wish to bring about an understanding and graceful acceptance that those who practice infant baptism do so believing it is right and true and that it is just as valid as believer's baptism. And that those baptized as infants do not need to be baptized a second time.

Weight Loss Woes

2009-08-31T17:52:00.002-04:00

So, I've been trying all month to lose weight. I have like 15lbs to lose to get to pre-preggers weight and over 30 to get to my goal weight.

After working out almost every day for a month and watching how much I eat, I lost a glorious 1lb.

I gave up and doing things the "balanced" way and decided to tackle this problem via the only method that has helped me lose weight in the past...

And I'm not going to share what it is because that method is tied up with so much slander that every one is going to think I'm doing something stupid.

Its the end of day one and I feel horrid. I have a headache and just want to go to sleep. Luckily, I only have one more day of this to go.

And when its up, I have a baptism post to write.

Beauty and the Beast

2009-08-25T12:53:00.002-04:00

My freshman year of college, I met this young man who prided himself on being contrary. He was cruel, rude, and totally self-absorbed.

I was feeling a bit risky and college freedom was getting to my head. I did so many things in the first 3 months of college that I had never done before - one being I tried out for the Dance Team...

When he was being rude and boarish, I was being optimistic, friendly, and persistent. In other words, I was being annoying because he was being annoying. For some reason, he liked it and I started to see a different side of him.

We started dating. And as much as my friends hated him because of how rude and mean he was, I justified it because he was someone else with me.

I thought that if he cared enough about me and I was nice enough to him, he would change.

So many girls out there think this - that if a guy is "broken" in their eyes, they can fix him by loving them and being loved by them. Its frustrating to nice guys, because nice girls will fall for the "bad boys". It leads to unhealthy relationships later when the "bad boys" don't change and wives become angry, bitter, and nagging - and those men get distant and self-absorbed.

One of my favorite movies as a little girl perpetuates this thing about love from a woman can change a man - Beauty and the Beast. I was watching it today and there are so many unrealistic expectations in it, its ridiculous. Thing is, Belle doesn't think she can change him...she just does with no real effort on her part. She doesn't give him any opportunities thinking he might change - he changes before she falls for him. And he changes because he wants her to fall for him.

Grease had the same dynamic. Sandy thinks Danny is a very nice guy (and he is when he is with her in Austrailia). When she sees him in the states, she discovers he's not such a nice guy and gives him the cold shoulder most of the time. Its not until the end that Danny finally gives up and decides to be the nice guy...only Sandy decided it was easier to join in.

You don't fall for a guy thinking you can change them. You don't marry a guy thinking you can inspire him to be better. If he's going to change with you as inspiration, he's gonna do it while you refuse to give him the time of day because he's such a "bad boy".

Worth it?

2009-08-21T10:53:00.002-04:00

Ok. I'm really bad at doing cost estimates.

I can call around and ask for an estimate, but if someone has to come out and give me an estimate, the only way I'll say no is if I already know what a reasonable cost is for the circumstances.

Maybe its bad money sense, but I feel rude having someone come out, inspect, give estimate and tell them "no" when I might not find a better deal (because I just don't know).

And I hate this not knowing stuff. They should have some kind of a website for homeowners where they document how much they paid for a certain service (and for car owners) so they have an idea of what to expect for a ball-park figure.

Anyway, my sewage backed up today while I was washing Ethan's laundry...and the toilet overflowed all over the carpet.

I called the plumber and carpet cleaners. The plumber dug up our pipe (in our beautiful garden, though he was respectful of the plants) and found a pipe with no cap on it...it was clogged by MULCH from the garden. It cost $249.00 to "snake" the pipes. I wonder if I can find out who laid our sewer line and request a reimbursement for the lack of a cap? Probably. I'll try that.

But here's the thing - the only other estimate I got was a ball-park figure based on the length of the lines and stuff - she said $165 - 250. So...because I ended up at the far end of that estimate does it mean I coulda gotten cheaper?

Now I'm waiting on a cost estimate from the carpet cleaners for carpet replacement - because yes, when there is a sewage back-up you WANT to replace the carpet. Ewww for other people's feces all over your carpet.

Now - for any new homeowners, when your toilet starts bubbling while your doing laundry, get your pipes looked at to avoid the mess that results.

A Morbid Post

2009-08-21T00:01:00.002-04:00

I just spent 5 hours driving from Savannah, GA to Orlando, FL tonight. It was...FUN!!!! (not so much) Needless to say, I'm happy to be home.

The trip up was incredibly easy cuz I had a good source of entertainment - I listened to Rush Limbaugh for the first time in my life. I couldn't help but brag to my dad afterwards. He was very proud of me =p

Anyway, all that time in the car gave me the opportunity to let my brain wander. Among the topics that crossed my mind were my arguments for infant baptism, sanctity of motherhood, and fear of death.

Baptism can wait. Seeing as this is a morbid post, we'll go with the last two =p

First, fear of death. I have NEVER been afraid of death in my life. I just wasn't worried about it. I knew where I was going. I still do, but its more complicated now...and it really shouldn't be. However, I'm no longer this independent creature who, when death comes, will only leave behind aging parents and separated siblings and a handful of friends (I'm so cold, I know - I realize they love me very much and my death would be hard on them, but its really different now). When I became a wife, things started to change. Ok...engagement and the prospect of motherhood really began the change. But the marriage and house actually solidified the first part and the birth solidified the second. First, here was this man who had just given up everything for me. He has invested the rest of his life in me. He loves me. Not because he has to because he's a good person. He loves me because he chose to. I don't want to die anytime soon because of that - I don't want him to be left behind with all this stuff he put together for our life together with no life together.

Then there was Ethan. And every time I think of dying now, it involves Ethan crying for me and my not coming to him. And that just tears me up inside. IN a very bad way.

And then this went in a new direction - abortion and all these stories of mothers hurting their children. And I finally understand why mothers doing this appalls me so much more than hearing about fathers doing such things.

You see, from the moment of conception to birth, a baby is relying solely on its mother for survival. Its life is so utterly dependent on the mother. And here is this woman, with this child in her safe-keeping, who violates that protection that her body is providing for her child - violating the very purpose of her body at that point in time - and destroying it for some stupid, selfish reason.

And then, after birth, that child so naturally and instinctually trusts implicitly and loves unconditionally this woman who has just given birth to him. Fathers, they learn to trust in those first days, first weeks, first months - mothers = trust to them.

So when a mother harms her child, she is violating and betraying that trust. She throws away the only one who truly loves unconditionally.

Its horrid.

Enough. I'm going to bed with my hubby now.

Baby Juggle

2009-08-12T19:52:00.000-04:00

So...how does one go shopping with a baby in the rain?

I find myself limited in ways I never really comprehended before motherhood...

Odd the things you give up.

Some Updated Pics of Baby

2009-08-12T00:02:00.001-04:00

From Ethan

Mother and Son ;)

From Ethan

One of my favorites...

Edmund, Lucy, and Extending Grace

2009-08-11T22:57:00.003-04:00

I have been watching Prince Caspian like every night this week.

Movie channels keep playing it at the same time every night and I tend to like having something playing in the background - a habit I picked up from a college roommate and a life of younger siblings.

In this story, Peter and Susan are told that they will not be returning to Narnia again. Reason is, they've lost their child-like faith. Its not that they are "too mature" to be there - its that they don't believe the way Lucy and Edmund do.

And then that brings me to something else. Lucy, everyone gets. She's the child-like one who ALWAYS believed even when criticized for it and told she was being childish. Everyone knows why she gets to return to Narnia.

But Edmund? He had the most shocking transformation between the first and second books. And in Prince Caspian, he comes off as a thousand times more spiritually mature than either of his older siblings. Between him and Lucy develops a bond that transcends earthly brother/sister status. They are kindred spirits who truly recognize the grace that has brought them to Narnia. And Edmund's transformation and wisdom comes from the acceptance of a gift that he truly understands as such - because his sin was so obvious and so big by our standards that when forgiven of it, he knows he is not worthy of it but desperately wants it.

That is one kind of Grace - the grace of God.

The other one on my mind is that between Christians.

I've been trying to figure out how to make a case for infant baptism. Its not that I think later baptism is wrong - in fact, I think it is just as good, if not better. However, there is a statement that I am making in having my son baptized that I WANT and NEED to make. And it is an expression of my faith that I would want to bring my son into the covenant that I share with God.

People may find me theologically incorrect here - even though I believe that the OT gives me a case to support me. Thing is, I don't really care - whereas they care way too much (in my opinion). Baptism, to me, is simply an expression of faith. It is not a mandatory expression, it is simply one of many. Like fasting or volunteering in your church or being a missionary. It is not required for salvation.

And the argument that "Jesus did it, so should we" doesn't hold, either. If that were true, we should all go out into the desert with no food for 40 days and hang on a cross for the world's salvation.

I'm willing to give grace on the subject, but I sure am tired of people discrediting my own baptism or the theology behind my having my son baptized. It really is not that big a deal.

A Change in Decorum

2009-08-10T14:03:00.003-04:00

I've noticed something about motherhood...

Nursing makes you think less and less about modesty because your breasts are not associated with sex anymore.

Kinda like the late stages of pregnancy make all things vagina open conversation.

I've gone from Venus to Gaia. Nothing sexy here.

Amazing Quote

2009-08-07T01:01:00.003-04:00

There are lots of people who hide their careers from their parents; hit men...exotic dancers...AIG executives...

Evan Lawson, CEO of HankMed, Royal Pains

A Thorny Issue

2009-08-03T22:56:00.002-04:00

There's a passage in one of Paul's letters (I'm being lazy and not looking up the passage) that talks about a certain thorn in his side.

It is a sin that he struggles with constantly. He never says what it is...it could be anything. All we know is its a sin.

He says that as much as he wishes this thorn to be gone, he is grateful for it...WHY? Why is he grateful for SIN??? Because through his weakness, God's strength is displayed.

Now, I'm not saying go out and sin and let God be glorified =p

I'm just saying that everyone struggles with something. For me, it was sexual morality I struggled with. No matter how much I tried, I always fell down. It was always painful and I've paid the consequences of it. But I have to say - I never really did anything wrong (not bad enough to really feel consequences from God) until the first time I did something sexual. And through the process of breaking down in confession and asking for forgiveness and going through that healing, I never really understood what Grace was.

And I think that for a lot of cradle-christians (christians from birth), they have a very limited idea of Grace until they mess up like that. And I understand what Paul meant.

Reality Sets In

2009-07-29T13:46:00.001-04:00

So...Newborns are sooo easy. At least mine is.

Today was his first night of 8 hours and he's not 4 months yet. He's been sleeping 7 hours for over a month already.

Today I'm babysitting a 1 year old with my baby. And omg. He doesn't stop. I made the mistake of not taking a nap with them when they were both sleeping so now I'm chasing around a 1 year old praying my 4 month old doesn't need to eat for another 3 hours.

WEEE!!!

I wonder how many habits babies get from their parents?

Renewed Confidence in the Episcopal Church

2009-07-28T11:23:00.001-04:00

Here is a letter from the Archbishop of Canterbury concerning the Convention of the Episcopal Church that was held sometime last month.

I found it to be solid and theologically correct. It was good to see we aren't totally corrupt.

A Double Take

2009-07-08T15:34:00.002-04:00

Its been a glorious 12 weeks and I absolutely love my job as mother and housewife.

Turns out work didn't have any part-time positions to offer me so I'm quitting, especially since I know how full-time employees are pushed to work more than 40 hours. Because my husband travels so much, it gives more need to my being more available to my son. Unfortunately, I am now looking for other part time work in a really bad economy. WOOHOO!!!

Over the last 12 weeks, I've been spending some time thinking and drawing some conclusions that may seem like cop-outs, but I seriously doubt they are. There is a certain sect of feminism that I still detest and abhor with all reason and they are the ones that I so gracefully call "true" feminists by my definition of feminism: people who fight to increase the status of women at the expense of men. Since every sect of feminism drastically disagrees about their purpose and definition, I feel that I'm justified in providing my own definition.

There are those, however, who simply seek to be respected and valued as human beings. They fight to be seen as intelligent, resourceful, hard workers, and partners with a valuable voice. They don't seek to destroy manhood, or be disrespectful of men, or deny any responsibilities given them by God. Some would like to be wives and mothers, but if they can't accomplish that, they want to be Jane Austens instead - women who can provide a living for themselves and be respected for it - utilizing all the God-given talents they have at their finger-tips.

I wouldn't call them feminists. But they do. Simply because they define feminism as the idea that women are just as valuable as men. Which they are.

And I've discovered that in all my reading of certain blogs, I've started to question that. Yes, feminists that fight for abortion rights, think all men are pigs, scoff at women who shave their legs for men while ignoring that men shave their faces for women, and who think that any woman who wants to be a mother is socially conditioned to want to do that are women (and men) I strongly dislike and the devil can have them. But women are still valuable, they are still needed. Men still need us. That's why God created us. But he did give us a certain role in this mess. Not to be inferior, but to be different.

And as an aside, my parents were discussing Fireproof and they gave an entirely different perspective on that movie that I had never heard. Boundless never brought up any fault of the woman, the only thing others could talk about was the fault of the woman, but my mother said something that was completely and totally true:

You fight for marriage with all you have even when the other person is doing absolutely nothing to help and everything to justify a failed marriage.

They're right. And after 26 years of marriage, I think they are justified to hold that opinion.

A Baby Story...

2009-04-17T11:51:00.002-04:00

So, here's my baby experience for all those curious.

On Friday night, I was invited to dinner with a couple friends. Hubby and I went and had dinner and played Cranium til 11:30 at night then headed home. I think we were in bed by 12:30. Sometime around 9:00 that night, I was having contractions, but nothing regular and I just kinda felt crampy and uncomfortable the entire time.

5:30 am on Saturday morning, my water broke. After spending the last week wondering if I'd know if my water broke or if I was having contractions, I was very pleased that the water breaking WAS obvious =p Told Paul to get up and it was time to go!

I got to the hospital at 6:30 and still no contractions at all.

8:00 am, still no contractions and the nurse put me on pitocin.

9:00 am, still no contractions, so she upped the pitocin level.

10:00 am, still no contractions, so she upped the pitocin level. And at this point she checked me and saw I hadn't progressed any since I had come in. 2cm dilated, fully effaced.

11:00 am, the doctor comes in to examine me and sees me at 3cm. Oh gosh, this is going to take forever. I still was having no contractions.

Wait...I should probably clarify. I WAS having contractions, but nothing with a pattern or that I could really tell.

Then the doctor noticed I still had some membranes intact and decided to break my water completely...

Then the contractions started. All that pitocin from the get go had me in so much pain that I actually stomached the needle and got that epidural. That drug seriously was amazing. I went for about 90 minutes before I got it and I thought I still had to worry about the transition phase (the most painful labor phase). Turns out I was in transition that entire time...

At 2:00, I was 10cm dilated and ready to go.

2:30, I started pushing.

3:27, I stared in aww at how easy it was for the doctor to just pull out my baby after all that pushing. One second there was nothing and then suddenly there was a whole lotta baby.

So, 4 hours of "labor" ... Not too shabby compared to all the horror stories I've heard.

As for my condition? The anesthesiologist was impressed with how I handled my contractions (though I was starting to hyper-ventilate through them). The doctor was impressed with my pushing. Delivery wasn't so bad.

It was after when things got a little...weird. After Ethan was born and I had him in my arms, it kinda felt like there was another baby trying to get out. It was that dull pressure that you instinctually push for (for the guys, think something like a bowel movement). The nurses came in and felt my tummy and everyone got really worried. Paul told the nurses I was looking really pale. They took the baby to the other side of the room where the new dad watched him (and discovered later was taking great joy in distracting himself by poking his new son...)

I was apparently having clotting issues - and passed way more blood clots than any of you guys would really like to know. It was kinda gross looking and I could describe what it looked like, but I think I'll spare you unless you ask. I think they pushed out clots 3 times before I finally felt any relief.

I've been a bit uncomfortable all the way up until today, though the first 3 days were kinda rough (I hated sitting but walking/standing made me really light-headed). Wednesday, Ethan had his first pediatrics appointment and the doctor was impressed with how I was recovering...so I'm doing great.

Baby blues have slightly kicked in, though not to the degree that I was thinking they would (and so grateful they aren't that bad). I feel good, I'm ready to start walking regularly, and after 5 days of struggling to feed my baby (he wouldn't wake up long enough to eat and he was lazy at sucking), we are finally in the swing of things.

I'm enjoying being a mother :)

Announced: Easter Egg Hatched

2009-04-16T13:17:00.003-04:00

So. Good Friday was the prelude to an interesting Saturday...

Ethan James was born April 11, 2009 at 3:27 pm.

Weight: 6lbs 3 oz

Length: 20 inches

Condition: Early, but healthy. And very quiet.

Good Friday

2009-04-10T17:16:00.002-04:00

This is probably one of my favorite days of Holy Week. I used to go to my Uncle's service and for some reason, I loved it.

Perhaps it was the reminder of what the Christian faith is all about.

I regret that I may not make it to a service tonight...but perhaps God has some other ways to make today a "Good" Friday :)

Ours.

2009-04-01T14:43:00.002-04:00

How does one word evoke so much emotion?

Its such a tiny little word...but it encompasses so much.

Its not me. Its not him. Its US.

We. Ours. Us.

WE are having a baby.

He will be OUR son.

He's a little bit of US.

Its kind of overwhelming in sheer awesomeness. Is this how God intended it? The consummation of our marriage and our life together. The epitome of our love for each other takes on flesh and is going to bring us trials and joy, both...but blessings untold.

Ours.

What about us?

2009-04-01T09:53:00.003-04:00

Why is it that when the majority votes against a progressive measure, the courts will stand up and side with the minority?

And then when the majority speaks again, the minority gets all uppity about it and starts calling us all bigots and other bad names?

Well, at least you had the opportunity to give power to your voice.

My voice (and many others) is going to be shut down because they know they can't get the votes to pass it (what with the whole 2/3 majority thing).

Hello, those senators are the voices of people who our democracy doesn't let speak on these issues in any other way except through them! They are our representatives. We voted for them and put them in place to vote on things like this. If enough of the populace voted enough to prevent something from passing, then it shouldn't pass!

Have a little respect, please.

This Just In...

2009-03-26T10:58:00.003-04:00

Annoyed, pregnant woman with a naive view of child-birth.

At least that's what I feel everyone around me is saying. As the date gets closer (less than 6 weeks, now), there are certain things that people do that are starting to bother me.

And oddly, its not the standard things that most pregnant women complain about on the pregger boards. Standards seem to be belly-touching, constant asking if your pregnant...swiftly followed by all the other questions - do you know what your having? is this your first? how far along?

No, my issues as I get closer to the "most painful experience of a woman's life" is the barrage of baby stories (in infinitely excruciating detail) from other mothers (both new and old) and the constant (what feels like) condensation when I comment on how I'm hoping to avoid the Epidural.

The first one, I'm learning to handle. As much as I really don't want to hear horror stories when I have to do this anyway (and I'm expecting pain and torture all the way around, I did my research early on), I've come to the conclusion that their telling of the stories is as much for them as it is for me. I mean, after having a baby, there's only a select group of people who can share in that experience.

However, the second one is grating to no end! I am not set on "going natural". I simply have a strong fear of needles that I've learned to control over the years to the extent to be able to get boosters and give blood. But I have not extended that control to needles as long as my forearm that have to stay in me for ANY period of time. Hence why - as vain as I have been about my gorgeous stomach - I will NEVER get a belly button piercing to save my life.

But when I mention that I don't want an epi, people tell me how much pain I'll be in and that I'll change my mind and I shouldn't have that expectation because I'll only be disappointed if I cave (oh...and I WILL cave...). Well wait, I just told you I'm not opposed to using pain relieving methods, so why do you think I'll feel like a cop-out for caving to one? NO, I just don't want that thing IN me. Needles that big and catheters SCARE me. Got it? Well, not quite...but maybe they've caught on...maybe...

Cuz then comes the "you'll be in so much pain you won't CARE!" Well great. If I'm in that much pain, then sure! Lets do it. But what if I'm not? Lets say that the pain really is not EXCRUCIATING to the point that I can ignore this long needle going into my back long enough for the anesthetician to thread a little tube into my body. But it IS bad enough that I really don't want to handle it. What other options are there?

"Oh trust me, you won't be that lucky."

Well, pardon me for saying so, but I hear labor and delivery experiences are similar within families. Yes, there can be variations, but they keep telling us that if you want SOME idea of what your experience MAY be like, look to your mothers and grandmothers. Well, my reproductive history has always been a LOT like my mother's. Same excruciating menstrual cycles that we have had to learn to deal with through the years. So maybe our labor and delivery stories could be similar.

Her first delivery lasted 4 hours. She went through all of early labor not even knowing she was in labor. The rest of the delivery felt like a really bad period.

Ok...so all you people who say there's no way I could have such an easy delivery, apparently there IS a chance.

I don't care how small it is or how big it is, there is that chance.

So what are my other options? And if it hurts so much I cave to an epi, trust me, I will not be disappointed. Just in so much pain that I won't mind that stupid needle. But just in case...give me another choice.

I don't understand...

2009-03-18T11:42:00.003-04:00

Some people seriously ask for bad stuff when they do stupid things:
Like meeting a stranger they met on IM in a non-public place at night.

No, no one deserves it, but seriously, play smart and you minimize your risk.

In other news, apparently the Pope got France all riled up when he made the announcement that fidelity and abstinence are a better solution to stopping HIV/Aids than freely distributing condoms.

Hmmm...lets look at the stats. Condoms have <100% chance of preventing aids when used correctly and abstinence has a 100% chance. Yup, abstinence is better. And which is easier to use "correctly"?

Rebecca Hodes, of the Treatment Action Campaign in South Africa said: "His opposition to condoms conveys that religious dogma is more important to him than the lives of Africans."

And Rebecca Hodes conveys that political dogma is more important to her than the lives of Africans.

Go figure.

Bad Person?

2009-03-17T09:52:00.001-04:00

"We all want healthy, full-term babies, right?"

So says one future mommy on BabyCenter.com

Does it make me a bad person that (at 33 weeks) I'm ready to have him NOW? I don't want to wait 7 more weeks. Can I have him in 4? Please?

An Interruption

2009-03-16T12:50:00.003-04:00

I interrupt this blog-free Lental Season (sounds like a soup) to bring you this interesting bit of information:

Between 1950 and 1970, some four million pounds of the pesticide DDT, illegal today, was dumped into the ocean in Los Angeles. Examples of eggshell thinning, gonad shrinkage and feminization in males, overdeveloped ovaries in females, and failure to thrive are some of the defects found in seagull studies at UC Davis by Michael Fry. In 1981, Fry published his research in the journal Science. Shrugged off for years by the scientific community, Fry's work is now being corroborated all over the world in dozens of other species.

(Source is found here)

I've been struggling with water retention and swelling for the first time since pregnancy started and am trying to keep it down to a minimum, so I've been trying to figure out the balance between water and sodium chloride. Came across this interesting little gem and was fascinated by it...

So we have trends of obesity, low reproduction, and male feminization in today's society...makes you kinda think...

Silly Dreams and Random Stuff before Lent

2009-02-24T11:46:00.003-05:00

Dreams are getting RIDICULOUS. What is it about pregnancy that does this?

Unfortunately for me, most of my dreams are nightmares. Take for instance last night's where I ended up in a house full of "family" that wasn't my family trying to find a moment of intimacy with my husband. That was amusing, actually, cuz it kinda felt like the first week of my honeymoon =p

Another one involved Child Services kidnapping my baby... throw on top of that one a previous dream in which I nearly suffocated my baby because my nanny-cat moved him out of the basinet and onto a bed full of blankets and pillows, then I got breast-milk up his nose while trying to feed him, and being told off by the child in my arms, proclaiming in a tiny, high-pitched voice "YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER!!!"

Disturbing...definitely very disturbing.

However, I did have a gem of a dream...imagine one of those reality cook shows like Hell's Kitchen and they introduce the head chef in the midst of spouting fire and smoke and a drum roll...

Announcer: Nationally recognized, winner of the such-and-such...

The best cook in the world!

Chaim Giomama!

Do pronounce Chaim as "I'm" and remember that Italian single g's are soft.

Say that name out loud to yourself.*

------------------------------

Several topics have come up that have me realizing that something REALLY needs to change in the societal conception that its taboo to discuss sex with parents (Ewwwwww....Gross!!!!).

First of all, EVERYONE talks about how difficult marriage is going to be and that you are not always going to feel in love. But regardless, love them ANYWAY. Because love is more than a feeling. You're attacked with such advice as "Never go to bed angry" and "Do the dishes together". But no one ever talks about the sex-life. Maybe mothers really should.

Second of all, peer pressure and abstinence among young adults...I bet you anything that if parents and children were more comfortable about discussing questions concerning it, abstinence might be more doable.

----------------------------

And lastly, this little gem of a quote that had me laughing. I think its true, but to hear it stated in such a way made me feel so glad someone said it:

"Boundless does advocate getting married young"

From what I've seen, Boundless doesn't advocate "getting married young", Boundless advocates being mature at a young age so that if you are called to marry young, your own immaturity doesn't instantly rule it out.

Thanks, Daniel!

----------------------------

So, starting tomorrow, NO MORE BLOGGING.

In 40 days, I'll get back to you and let you know how it all worked out. Maybe share some of my devotional revelations :)

Have a disciplined Lent and a Celebratory Easter! (Or Resurrection Day, whichever way your convictions sway you to call it...me, it'll involve Pasanki eggs, Deviled eggs, and haven't figured out which family, yet...I celebrate Resurrection Day EVERYDAY =p)

* Yes, I did just dream a "Yo Mama" joke.

I guess it fits...for all the best cooks in the world, nothing ever tops mom's home-cooking!

Long Distance Relationship

2009-02-06T15:31:00.002-05:00

When I first started dating my husband last April, I was having a conversation with my dad and laughingly made the comment "I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy who lives 10 minutes away!"

Oh how things have NOT changed.

You see, my company is comprised of two primary tools of trade: Software Engineers and Systems Engineers. My husband is a Systems Engineer. But not just any Systems Engineer...he's in Integration & Test. Which means that in the later phases of system testing, his job takes him to the actual site that the program is running at. The first month of our relationship, he was gone for 3 weeks. I love my Dad - "Oh THAT'S why he's still dating you!"

The day after we returned from our honeymoon, he was leaving for a week. Not even a month later, and he's gone for 2 weeks. Over Valentine's Day (our first one). I guess to hold with tradition, we should spend it having a conversation on MS Communicator (FYI, that conversation last year made that day the best Valentine's Day of my life!).

He left this morning at 5:30AM.

You'd think I'd get used to it, but I realized the last time he was gone that it gets harder. And harder. And harder. This time, he wasn't gone for 2 minutes before I felt bereft. Luckily, my body is so exhausted from its creative work, that I was passed out before the tears stinging the back of my eyes had a chance to fall.

I've found, though, that the time he's away can be used beneficially. Its a good time for one-on-one time with God, a good chance for me to catch up with housework, and excellent time to spend with girl-friends, watching the movies he WON'T watch with me, and putting in overtime at work. And the next two weeks will involve extra work of packing and baby-registry shopping!

I guess these things help keep me focused and not too depressed. Though I know this time is going to be even harder. Its so strange what 5000 miles can do - I haven't gone without him any more than I do on a normal work day and I'm already missing his smile, his laugh, and his teasing.

Le sigh...so is life.

The Truth

2009-02-05T13:04:00.002-05:00

To preface this post: I'm 100% anti-abortion, I love kids, I've spent the vast majority of my life wanting more than you can count on one hand, and have spent the last 12 years spending 1-2 days a month curled in a ball BEGGING God to let me meet someone, fall in love, get married, and GET PREGNANT...just to avoid those horrible, seemingly endless cramps.

Now that I'm there, I have to make a confession:

I hate pregnancy.

Ok, not as much as I hate menstrual cramps. It still stands that 9 months of freedom from THAT abomination is worth the 14-24-72 hours of pain that result in a precious gift from God. Vs the equivalent of 9*24 hours of pain with no benefit except an express need to take out the garbage.

But truth be told, pregnancy sucks. I want to know all those women who had such "wonderful" pregnancies cuz I swear, I don't believe them.

I'm not vain, I'm not that hung up over a gigantic stomach...not for aesthetic reasons, anyway...but I seriously have to say I feel deformed. For something that is so natural, I feel incredibly unnatural. I can't move without groaning, my mid-back is constantly sore, and when I'm lying in bed, you can play with my stomach like a Bozo Bop Bag. Bop me that way, I roll. Bop me the other, I come back. Just don't ask me to sit up, or you'll be waiting a while.

Maybe if the first 6 months hadn't been filled with unending morning sickness, I wouldn't have this attitude about it...But 6 months of torture to be replaced with a different kind of torture is just ridiculous. At least most women get 3 months off between morning sickness and playing "Bozo".

And this whole thing called an increased sex-drive during pregnancy? *Ahem* my husband hasn't seen any of that. More like me breaking out in unreasonable tears whenever he tries to make a pass. And do you know why I cry? Because I was so naive to think that I would never be one of those wives to turn her husband down and here I am so incredibly out of physical sorts that the thought of doing THAT turns my tummy upside down and has me begging to wait. Wait. Wait for...what is it? Six more months? No wonder I'm in tears. No wonder he waits til I'm asleep to come to bed.

And yet, the optimism for the end is very strong. I know that what my body is doing is good. That it is God-ordained that my body do these things. And I know it will be so worth it when we're done. And in spite of the 9-12 month dry-spell, I know God will give me back some physical desire for my husband =p

So until then, remember its worth it.

Inspiration

2009-02-03T16:27:00.002-05:00

I was reading this article and was immediately convicted...

Only its not an "Apple" Addiction - its a technology addiction.

I have been noticing lately that I've been shirking some responsibilities and old hobbies - cleaning my house, books, and sewing to name a few.

So I think its time for me to curb some of this. I think that I'll be giving up technology for Lent...with the exception of education (improving my website building, brushing up on Java or database design, and dabbling in my photography).

No internet, no video games. Goodbye Blogs and Blogging. Goodbye Zelda and Civ 4 (hubby will be crushed by that one). Hello British History, PHP, Brisingr, and, most importantly, GOD.

It will be good for me to work on time to start preparing for the upcoming arrival of the newest member of my family, as well.

So don't expect to see me much come February 25th.

I thought I was DONE!

2009-02-03T10:27:00.001-05:00

I added a new name to my list...

Ethan James.

/sigh I thought I was done with this already...

Darn it for men that have no particular interest in baby names >.<

"Christian" Yoga and Other Eastern Disciplines

2009-02-02T10:54:00.002-05:00

Someone on Boundless.org made a passing comment about "Christian" Yoga very very briefly and it brought to mind some questions I have on the subject.

It never bothered me to practice or learn Yoga, as long as the spiritual aspects of it remained out of it or neutral. But then, I strongly believe that the original concept of Buddhism IS religiously neutral...though it focuses on spiritual discipline concepts - like meditation, relaxation, peace, and openness.

Some of the things I learned in taking that required Yoga course in college (cuz I was NOT doing scuba diving thanks to a fear of water) helped in my own devotions. Breathing concepts helped me relax. Being able to open my mind helped me be more receptive to the scripture I was reading and hearing God's voice - I did less talking and more listening...something that is profoundly difficult for many people.

Yoga taught me how to "be still and know" that He is God by getting past my own physical tension and the clutter in my mind by FOCUSING on nothing but God. I could be a deer by still waters no matter where I was.

There are other Eastern Disciplines that focus on mental, spiritual, and physical discipline, too. Tae Kwon Do, Karate, and the other martial arts form practiced in China provide a certain amount of focus on something beyond yourself while moving your body through highly structured physical moves. The precision and exactitude, while not necessary to cultivate a meaningful communion with God, helps on some occasion.

For me, practicing discipline in other areas of my life helps and bolsters the discipline in my walk with God.

Is this wrong and blasphemous? Or is practicing meditative disciplines for the purpose of seeking His Face fully acceptable to God?

Food for Thought on Presidential Policies

2009-01-27T09:41:00.002-05:00

Someone on Boundless.org made an interesting comment about how governments seem to prefer making policies that help in the short-term with little thought of the long-term consequences...

I realized the following and put it on another post:

Maybe that's a consequence of our 4-year election plan. Clearly, it wasn't Clinton that got the backlash for his poor legislation in the housing industry - instead, its all Bush's fault. There's no repercussions for Clinton (or Bush, or Obama) to make good, long-term decisions in their term...because THEY won't get credit for it when the policies start bearing fruit. Better make the quick fix to keep people happy while I'm president and let the next guy take the fall for it.

You didn't have that with life-long leaders that cared. They needed economic prosperity LONG TERM to keep life good for them. Short-term was short compared to a life-time of issues later on. I know there are democracies out there that elect only at the death of a leader. At least maybe a longer tenure would be better...things seem to go by decades. 10 years seems enough...and no re-election after =p

Baby Name Repeated

2009-01-26T14:52:00.002-05:00

Ok.

So, a decision has been made. Rather easily and without much deliberation at all.

Baby's name is going to be Ethan Matthias.

I really like it. It is definitly not the traditional trend I was going for for my first-born son, but dad is adament he doesn't get his middle name. So James Edward was out and that was the only other one I liked.

So there it is :)

The Cost of Education

2009-01-21T17:22:00.002-05:00

In this article, you find out just what a calamity borrowing for education is.

Ok. So I can tell my brothers to work for the best grades possible and attend a public university on a 100% scholarship.

I can advise them that if they need loans to study independently for certain courses and CLEP them (Spanish, Algebra, English...you'd be amazed at how many there are...).

Or I can advise them to simply choose a career that requires you to pass a test and study independently while living at home and working at Publix. Actuary, Pension planning, Insurance sales...even IT work if you pay for the Microsoft Expert courses.

But what about me? What do I tell myself now that I've accrued all that debt? What is the advice for me on how to pay it back? The best advice would have been to not get student loans. But in 2002, apparently the loaning industry hadn't been so Shylock-ish. So I have them.

What now?

Rascism is not Dead

2009-01-20T16:25:00.003-05:00

Rascism in America is not done with.

You see, the whole point of MLK was that we ALL be treated equal, right?

White, black. Man, woman. Disabled, Enabled.

Equality for all.

However, when we celebrate the elevation of one race to a platform, we are still being rascist. We have still made a big deal about something that we want to be treated as inconsequential.

So which is it...do we make a big deal about skin color or not?

Do we celebrate a president based on skin color or not?

Priceless Moments

2009-01-20T08:56:00.002-05:00

Finally, the groom his home from his 8-day business travel!

We came to work together and he forgot to drop me off at my terminal. Pulled out of a great parking spot and I told him I could walk.

"No you can't...I know you. You don't walk, you waddle."

So in the 3 week span since the wedding, I've lost the graceful figure and replaced it with a soccer ball for a belly. I'm mildly amused by the memory of me in an attic when I was 7 years old putting a soccer ball under my shirt...

Anyway, it doesn't give much perspective, but I shoulda gained around 15-16 lbs already and have only gained 9. Which probably means I've lost a total of 6-7 lbs of my own pre-pregnancy weight. I feel round and heavy in only one area of my body and its been difficult to maneuver with.

Bye bye, center of gravity!

Quote of the Day

2009-01-18T20:13:00.002-05:00

Man will always be a man. There is no new man. We tried so hard to create a society that was equal, where there'd be nothing to envy your neighbour. But there's always something to envy. A smile, a friendship, something you don't have and want to appropriate. In this world, even a Soviet one, there will always be rich and poor. Rich in gifts, poor in gifts. Rich in love, poor in love.
~Danilov, Enemy at the Gates

Lets always remember the things that matter...the least of these is money.

A Covering (Revisited)

2009-01-16T18:19:00.002-05:00

In a previous post, I started toying with what these verses could mean:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.
-Ephesians 5:25-30

and...

Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is just as though her head were shaved. If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.
-1 Corinthians 11:3-10

I've heard of the "Headship" theology, that I suspect finds its roots in these verses. A part of it, I recognize as truth. But other parts of it are false. The theology assumes much that ISN'T true and has been blatantly contradicted in scripture. I could never figure out where the truth was or how to explain it...I just knew it existed somewhere in that mess.

I realize that the covering referred to in the 2nd passage is largely about covering one's head. I realize that from some "theologians" and exegetes (in quotes due to students I've heard speak of this and, frankly, I don't know what to call him), these are not referring to a man as a woman's covering. I am no exegete or theologian, but the intertwining of man as head of woman and the woman being required to keep her head covered lead me to believe there's some paralleling going on here. If I had the education that those people had, I'd probably attempt to prove that...especially with the knowledge that Paul DOES use parallels a lot.

Its so odd, but prior to marriage, my pregnancy and the sins that have led me to where I am now were something I struggled with. I felt ashamed and thoroughly unworthy. Yes, I'm definitely unworthy of God's love and forgiveness and all the gifts he has bestowed on me, but there comes a time when I should be releasing that shame and embracing his healing and forgiveness.

I was struggling with that...but on the wedding night, something just happened. It was as if my husband was providing me a covering from the shame that the world would lay on my shoulders if they knew. Finally, I could rejoice in the life God planted in my womb without feeling ashamed of how he got there.

Does that make sense? I'm still the one at fault, and yet my husband is a tool that God is using to provide healing and protection.

Well, John Thomas at Boundless said something that kinda explains what I'm trying to get at in his Answer column (found here).

Marriage is not only embracing another person's present and future, but also his (or her, in your case) past. One of the most exciting parts of marriage is partnering with God to bring healing to one another from past hurts, often caused by our own sin. We embrace this person who looks great from the front, and when we put our arms around her we discover all the wounds in her back, and she discovers ours. Guess what? You and God get to spend a lifetime enjoying the thrill of healing and restoration and being healed and restored. And what better way than through the warm, flesh-to-flesh, spirit-to-spirit bonding with another person?

I don't know, but that seems to explain for me somewhat my idea of what the husband as a "covering" would look like.

More Hope for Change?

2009-01-16T17:52:00.002-05:00

In this article from the Wall Street Journal, I have to admit I'm gaining a bit of optimism (though no loss of wariness) when it comes to our President-Elect.

I was mildly impressed that there was no "Bush Bashing" going on concerning Bush's financial policies.

I did love the last paragraph...

In putting it back together, would retirees be willing to accept that idea of having more prosperous seniors pay a monthly premium to receive their Medicare health coverage? Would liberals accept cuts in their favorite social programs? Would conservatives accept the idea of a carbon tax, to both raise big money for entitlements and prod the nation to move more quickly away from fossil fuels?

Its looking like Obama is not going to be a favorite president of anyone, after all. While he's very good with words and incredibly charming, he apparently has no qualms with imposing sacrifices on his own party to make the playing field even. I will not wax over the "carbon" tax, though - if we are, indeed, needing to cut back on programs, wouldn't it be wiser to leave energy in the hands of the private communities? There are enough people incredibly interested to donate to foot that bill to private insitutions that are quite willing to do private research on it. Why does government need to be involved on that one? And to be quite frank, with the rise of foreclosures, there's a rise of people renting - people that have little choice in the energy their land-lords have available are still forced to pay the bill to whatever energy company will service them.

I'm willing to give a little on other things, but creating taxes to fund new programs when our economy is in the state it's in is not a wise idea.

Am I being overly optimistic, or does it really sound like Obama is making some shrewd and wise choices here?

Potential Baby Names

2009-01-15T20:52:00.002-05:00

For those of you interested (which I know there are some girls out there that are curious), I've posted a list of potential baby names under the About Me section on the side-bar.

Perhaps closer to the delivery date, I may poll y'all for your own opinions on the top 3 or so choices, but for now these are just brainstorming. They're listed in alphabetical order so no ability to glean which ones I favor over others ;)

Feel free to leave your opinions on this post :)

Feminism: Pride or Ultimate Humility?

2009-01-14T19:02:00.002-05:00

Yes, I'm being facetious.

In a rather indirect way, I owe this finding to Elusive Wapiti. He is right that when the it truly feels like there's nothing left to hope for, you come across something that just gives you a tiny bit of hope.

Check out this piece.

I can't fathom how a society as narcissitic as ours managed to churn out such a group of self-haters. Check out the following (emphasis mine):

The gist of Les Knight’s argument is this: that the biosphere, for reasons of which we are all only too painfully aware but usually prefer not to dwell on too much, simply cannot sustain human beings in any way, shape or form; the only responsible action is to gracefully admit this and bail out now, through attrition, before we’ve completely obliterated what was once a pretty nice planet. As long as there remains a single breeding pair of humans, Knight avers, the danger of a destructo-human flare-up exists, so the only acceptable number of human inhabitants is zero..

So...what's the point of a "pretty nice planet" if there's no one to enjoy it?

You think the animals have the capacity to gain any aesthetic pleasure out of the planet? Actually, they probably do! After all, animal and plant life is far superior to human life!

Oh...and my ultimate FAVORITE feminist sentiment:

In response to [being a mother is a woman's highest calling], Knight delightfully suggests that holding such a view means you’ve been “beguiled into believing compliance is noble free choice.”

/sigh/ I truly do wonder how some people can be so incredibly WILLFULLY deceived by the master of all lies.

Morning Sickness Trigger # 1,353,268

2009-01-14T16:42:00.002-05:00

I swear, there really are that many things to trigger Morning Sickness.

Those lucky women that only suffer through the first 12, 14, 16 weeks have absolutely no idea how many things can set it off.

Well, on to the point, already.

Computer Screens.

Apparently the flickering in the pixels that display the graphics on a screen can wreak havoc on an already sensitive "motion" detector in the brain...and causes dizziness and nausea.

Sucks to be a Software Engineer.

Reproductive Health?

2009-01-13T22:41:00.003-05:00

I'm curious how "abortion" translates into "reproductive health".

I guess I always figured that health was the optimal efficacy of the body and mind to function in accordance with its purpose.

Silly me.

I forgot that reproductive organs' purposes are not reproduction, as one young scholar attempts to illustrate.

I'm actually curious...is it possible that in the upcoming months when FOCA may be passed to convince our legislation that a post-viable abortion could actually end in the life of a child and that all the rights given to any living person outside the womb be extended to that child?

And I'm curious that if FOCA does, indeed, legitimize tax funding of the abortion industry, if we can twist language enough to OUR advantage and claim that the purpose of that tax money is to also provide neo-natal care to Born-Alive babies?

After all, the wording in FOCA says to terminate the pregnacy. Not to terminate the child's life.

I think it sounds do-able.

It actually kinda reminds me of Shyloe's Catch-22 in The Merchant of Venice. He had a contract that said he was entitled to one pound of flesh. Nothing at all was said about blood.

Absense or Simple Love?

2009-01-13T15:42:00.002-05:00

"STIIINA!!!"
"HIIIII!!!!"

So starts the conversation that makes my face break out in smiles.

Yes, we are probably the kinda couple that would make anyone sick.

Anyway, it was an odd conversation. Essentially, he said we're going to work on living on one salary and completely putting the other into a savings account.

Just to see if we can adjust and get used to it.

So that when I no longer am working, we're well adjusted.

Have I mentioned how much I love him?

He needs to come home soon. Absense may make the heart grow fonder, but I much prefer him home =p

Vows As Binding As Lint Thread

2009-01-12T23:06:00.002-05:00

I remember when DH (yeay I get to use that) and I started planning the wedding, he asked me to write him a list of things to do.

1) Write our own vows or not?
2) Memorize our vows or not?

The answer we came up with for both was "no".

Trust me, it was a shocker when while at the Rehearsal, my Uncle made a rather shocking revelation to us.

"Do you have your vows memorized?"
"No" in unison with confused looks at eachother.
"Well, why not?"
"Uhhh..." How do you respond to that???

Apparently, my Uncle now requires those he marries to memorize their vows. Apparently, too many young men were marrying HIM when stating their vows...looking deep into his eyes (instead of those of the bride's) while repeating after him.

At least that's what he claims. I suspect another reason.

After another uncle's 5th divorce (I may be exaggerating that number), my uncle refused to perform anymore wedding ceremonies for family members because they all ended in divorce. Then he married his son - they've been married happily for 7 years (and expecting a baby this month!) I guess that gave him some more confidence and he performed the ceremony for my sister.

I guess the announcement to my mother about getting married and being pregnant were a real shocker. And I know it wasn't what she had planned for me, but I think that in many ways, planning my wedding and the now planning of the arrival of her grandson is kinda distracting her from what's going on with my sister's marriage - as my sister moved out shortly after I announced my engagement. And so, my Uncle required us to memorize our vows.

I don't know who has felt the keenness of the impending divorce more - my mother or myself. I'm sure my mom is wondering where she went wrong. Though posts like my "Discipline of Love" helped to keep her confident in her parenting abilities. I can not begin to explain the misgivings and torturous undertaking it is to memorize binding vows in a hotel room with someone you grew up with carrying on a licentious texting conversation with a man who you know is not her husband. And yet, the full purport of what was going on in those vows didn't fully hit me until 6:30 the morning of my wedding.

It took me 1.5 hours to memorize those words perfectly...well, nearly perfectly. I kept stumbling over "Til death do you part" because the Episcopal BCP reads "Until we are parted by death". What you always here vs what your supposed to say, when it differs even a tiny bit, can be SO hard to overcome. I remembered "part" had the past participle...so I'd get to "til death" and then realize I said it wrong cuz that doesn't go well with "parted".

Anyway, it was easy. And at 6:30 in the morning (after 4 hours of sleep), the ease at which I memorized those words completely devastated me. How easy it was to memorize 3 sentences. How easy it must've been for countless couples to repeat those words after a priest, line by line. Does the ease at which you repeat those lines translate into the ease of which you can break them? Does the ease with which I memorized them convey some sense of incongruity with what those words actually mean?

Tears. We'll blame the lack of sleep and the off-kilter hormones. But I won't regret them. In those early morning hours, it became more and more clear to me that those vows are going to have to be worked on to have the kind of strength that they were meant to have.

And I cried in the shower. I poured out all my grief for my sister. I poured out my heart in pre-nuptial vows to God, my son, my parents, my uncle...my fiance - I know what I am saying. I know how important these vows are.

I called my mother later that morning and told her I wanted her to give my post on the "Discipline of Love" to my uncle for him to read...I wanted him to know how seriously I was taking it - in spite of the giggling and goofing off during the rehearsal. She told me that he already knew or he wouldn't agree to do the marriage. I told her how easy it was to memorize the vows and how trepidatious I was over that. She reassured me. She said the strangest thing to me then. Something my uncle echoed in his homily. And it wasn't that it was a new concept to me, its just that it held new purpose. It echoed in my heart like a well known song long forgotten. When you say those vows and God is truly in it, there is a transformation by the Holy Spirit. When the Holy Spirit is truly present, the words you say are more than words and there is something miraculous occuring - something different...that gives those vows strength.

My uncle said in the homily that we are witnessing today the union of two. And with the blessing of the Holy Spirit, Christ is present...and in the midst of those two are three - in a blessed union of three (this is my own personal revelation here)...the trinity...

What he said evoked snickers from my bridesmaids as my sister said "or four", but I remembered a quote from a young 18 year-old girl at a camp in Alabama. She was learning to deal with being single, having never dated. And during her devotions, I guess she came across this revelation...because she told us her little ditty she made up during the devotion...she called it her "Carlyism" and I had it tucked in the pages of my Bible for the last 7 years...
"First, you must know who's one before becoming two because then you'll be three without knowing who's one."

At first, I thought she meant to know who YOU are. But during my Uncle's homily, it occured to me..."you must know who's one" should be "you must know who's One". You must have a relationship with God prior to the marriage for the binding to be complete. You must know HIM before there's the union of two blessed by Him.

The next day, I showed up at my grandmother's birthday party with my new husband. My Aunt asked me "Do you feel any different, Mrs. M?" How do you answer that when the answer is so elaborate?

Yes, I do feel different. Because with the repetition of those vows, something happened to me up at that altar. My heart has never more fully belonged to one person in my life. Even the moments before those vows, my affection for my husband wasn't nearly so profound. This is something different.

This has God written all over it.

This is the Holy Spirit turning words as weak as thread into a vow as binding as eternity.

Call for Prayer

2008-12-24T09:21:00.002-05:00

So I have this dilemma.

Its called the Student Loan dilemma.

Fiance and I have determined that until my student debt is paid off, I will be working part time to pay them off.

I see no end.

I need prayers for wisdom in managing my finances and time, peace of mind while paying off $30,000 in student debt, and strength of will in making it through work and home life.

I figure that if I can scrape together $2000/month between now and baby born, that'll knock it down to $20,000. $1000/month after that will take me 2 years.

I can do it, right? Or should I just be more practical?

Why do Women Fall for Jerks?

2008-12-22T09:36:00.003-05:00

I finally stumbled on the answer to this question.

In a movie theatre.

Narrator:
A girl will never forget the first boy she ever liked.

Queue 4-year-old girl being pushed over by a 4-year-old boy
Little girl: "Why did you do that?"
Little boy: "Because you smell like dog poo!"

Tears and running to mommy, mommy's response was this little tidbit of pathetic "wisdom":
"Honey, do you know why that little boy did those things? Because he likes you."

That's the beginning of our problem. We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk, that means he likes you.

I have to go see this movie. It's He's Just Not That Into You With 2 of my girlfriends that went for 19+ years not knowing "does he like me, does he not", falling for the wrong guys (but never dating) only to find ourselves all getting married within a year of eachother.

I've never read the book, but the movie kinda looks cute for girls which kinda watches the misadventures and mistakes of attempting to fall in love =p And not quite succeeding...for some (not so odd) reason.

Altars and Diapers

2008-12-19T10:04:00.002-05:00

I opened my eyes this morning to feel kicking somewhere in my lower abdomen (he's kicking me right now, actually).

I laid there with my eyes closed, my hand on my tummy, a smile of contentment as I left the Bride's Room, traced the steps that I've walked countless times to the Sanctuary, dropped a bouquet of flowers at the Memorial behind the church, and continued my little procession to the back door of the church.

There, my dad met me, and I knocked on the church door. My youngest brother opened it and asked me if I was sure I wanted to marry this man. "ABSOLUTELY!" was my reply, causing laughter among the congregants who heard.

Then the organ started that march. And all the pews groaned as they relinquished the weight of all their seated guests. And I walk into the sanctuary...and I'm about to round that corner to head to the front of the church...and right before I get there, that line from How Beautiful by Twila Paris echoes in my mind:

How beautiful the radiant bride
Who waits for her groom
With his light in her eyes

And there he is. Standing at the front of the church. With a smile as big as the sea.

*kick*

Ok, so its not going to be everything I've dreamed about since I was 13...but I don't think its possible for ANYTHING to ruin that day (that's only 8 days away!!!)

Alas, dreaming seems to be only conducive to my bed these days. Outside of it, I feel like a zombie marching to the Death March as I plod through the remaining 4 days of work (TGIF!!!) I anticipate Christmas Afternoon, with belly full of mom's yummy goodness, when I get to take a LONG and (IMHO) well deserved nap before New Mom feeds me dinner (fingers crossed for her wonderful twice-baked potatoes). Then perhaps I'll feel better :)

Lately, as I go through the daily routine of work, I've found myself apprehensive at my parenting skills. Specifically, discipline. I know I can do the playing thing...especially the "let baby explore" thing. But discipline? All these do's and don't's have me questioning my ability to do this. But then I have to remind myself that I really am well equipped for this.

I mean, I'm no push-over. I may come across as such on occassion, but really I'm not. I know its different, but I seemed to have done really well with my cat. Though as soon as new hubby is gone for travel after the honeymoon, some much needed RE-discipline is in store for that cranky, jealous, feisty Kitty.

And that's something else that concerns me. She pounces, bats, and FIGHTS with the man when he's around. But as soon as its just the two of us, she's sweet as pie! I'm only a little nervous how she's going to handle a baby. I know she's good with kids...she handled my best friend's baby superbly! But I don't know how she's going to take to MY new baby. After all, Kitty had been the love of my life for 18 months before new hubby came along. The only other person she had to share me with was her "daddy" (my last bf). She gets along great with him =p Good thing he'll be taking care of her while I'm on my honeymoon =p

If that's what cats are like during a "divorce", I don't even care to imagine what it would be like with kids. Luckily, I have no intention of going there =p

Baby Name Baby Name

2008-12-17T10:49:00.002-05:00

Hmmm...

I'm a german, blonde, blue eyed (well...one eye is blue)...

Perhaps THIS would make a good name?

Or maybe not...

I read once that courts can deny a request for a baby name when making the Birth Certificate official.

Where were they on this one (or should I say 3)?

Industrialization and the Decline of Families?

2008-12-15T09:53:00.002-05:00

I found this article and it got me wondering.

Lets see if I can come up with an order of events that seems to make sense:

1) Industrialization leads to a more demanding work environment.
2) In a culture where men are the primary workforce, it leads to absent fathers in the home due to long working hours.
3) Absent spouses leads to disgruntled marriages and *somewhat* higher divorce rates.
4) *Somewhat* higher divorce rates leads women to seek financial independence prior to a marriage that might fail.
5) Additional bodies in the workforce (now men and women) leads to increased industrialization.
6) Increased industrialization leads to a demanding work environment on the entire populace.

In America, (7) is thriving day cares, single mommies (no hubby to worry about) and child support when poorly nurtured relationships fall to pieces due to increased work hours and an entire society and culture with backwards priorities.

In Japan, (7) is men who still expect the traditional lifestyle and a working culture that doesn't allow it. And to couple that, now a society that REQUIRES female workers WHILE married...or their industrialized society will collapse from the lack of labor. They are stuck in a perpetual circle.

I wonder if America would be able to survive without a female workforce. I think they could. I don't know if Japan could, though.

And from what I know of work + family-life, I think I'd die if stuck in the work environment I'm in now while trying to care for a household, children, and making time for the quality of relationship I want with my husband.

Its TOO demanding.

I'll trade in my badge for an apron and a vacuum cleaner any day.

Blatant Inconsistency

2008-12-12T12:53:00.002-05:00

I seriously detest when so-called "Christians" blatantly disregard scripture and decide they are themselves God's gift to mankind and its up to them to side with the secular world against other Christians.

I can understand trying to come up with an argument that doesn't use scripture per se in order to use against secular arguments, but why are they so blatantly inconsistent with scripture by taking the clearly unscriptural position?

God created mankind male and female. Male and Female he created them.

Oh, but animals have homosexual relations, so THAT'S natural, too.

In a fallen world, sure it is. But CLEARLY that was not God's design.

Male and Female he created them. He created mankind - the crown of his creation.

Wait...are we different than animals?

I can hear it now - no. Which is biologically and anatomically correct. But they are so quick with that answer that they don't ask themselves and take into consideration their own beliefs. If I'm biologically and anatomically an animal, why didn't Jesus die for ALL of creation and not just humans?

What makes ME different than an animal that God would die for me?

And go ahead and answer that question using a secular argument. I don't mind. Because at least you'd be consistent with your beliefs.

The Paradox

2008-12-10T09:31:00.002-05:00

I always saw the people that comprised the liberal left to be the artists, the philosophers. The ones that questioned and thrived on deviating from the norm, presenting questions for the conservative right to be challenged to come up with good answers to.

They're the ones that move us forward while the conservatives keep those new, revolutionary ideas within solid boundaries rather than racing headlong into something that wasn't well thought out. Conservatives stop and analyze. They apply logic to the creativity. They apply standards to it. If this new creativity is worthy of pursuit, they join the drive...only they hold it back and give it reason without the headlong crash over a thought-less cliff of revolutionary ideas.

And I see that the liberals have moved quite head-long to their cliff. Liberal creativity and questioning cannot exist in the government that liberal minds think they want. They haven't stopped to analyze and apply logic to their creative and innovative ideas of a liberal government.

Conservatives have. And they know. They know that the creativity that makes America unique in the fields of Entertainment, Medicine, and Technology can only thrive under a conservative government. The more liberal the government, the more suppressed creativity and questioning becomes. It has a more decisive role in how you run your life, in what your allowed to do, in what your allowed to think.

One of the most liberal governments out there consists of China - a country that isn't allowed to question their government. Is not allowed to question what they are taught. Is not allowed to question what they are told to believe.

Do liberals really want this? Or have they just not stopped to analyze? After all, its not the liberals role to analyze. That's the conservative, logic-confined, religion-confined types to analyze and ensure it's good. They have found it lacking. And rather than work cooperatively together, we have completely and totally split at the seams.

The Threat

2008-12-08T15:05:00.003-05:00

It looms always over me (unless I am medicated) - that ever persistent feeling of nausea.

It just won't go away on its own! And as I struggle to keep what I just ate down (especially the pepperoni hot pocket that I know will taste just horrible in a 2nd go around), I find my lips pursed and my brow wrinkled.

After sitting this way for 2 hours, I no longer wonder my cat has this sour expression when she looks at me - she just mimics my facial expressions.

And my mouth and head are starting to hurt.

Can I just go to sleep until this is over?

No Place Like Home

2008-12-07T16:06:00.002-05:00

You ever find a church that just FEELS right?

It's like putting on a pair of well-worn gloves. Comfy, solid, warm.

I found that church. 2 years ago when my parents decided to do this new family tradition and go to Washington DC every Christmas just to keep the family together. My sister had married in February of 2006 and had moved to DC sometime that summer with her husband. Mom & Dad (especially Dad) didn't like the idea of the family not being together for Christmas. So, we all packed into Mom's new Ford Explorer and drove up to DC for the weekend.

My parents took us to Truro Church for the Christmas Eve service. If I could explain the amount of JOY and PEACE and absolute solidity of that church to you, I would. Active young adults that participate in the service (in REAL roles...like organist). Preaching that brings scripture home to you in a relevant way without putting you to sleep. High church liturgy and eucharist with a PHENOMENAL choir. A choir that sings all hymns in 4 part harmony with descants, sings all worship songs in 4 part harmony with an electric guitar and drums. Yes...Organ, electric guitar, and drums. You never knew classic hymns could sound so joyful and upbeat, did you?

They held to the sacredness of the service while bringing home to you the reason for rejoicing.

It felt like home. I was going to relocate myself to DC just so I could become a member of that church. Then I started dating someone here in Florida. I fell in love. Now I'm getting married.

Now I have to find a church HERE that takes liturgy seriously without sacrificing worship (which seems to be a really tricky thing to do).

And I find myself comparing every church with Truro. Time for me to stop. Today, I went to a church with good solid preaching, took liturgy seriously, and has a very good choir. Its very high churchy and extremely classical (no new music for them), but it was good. No Truro, but I'll continue visiting DC twice a year to get my Truro fix.

Fireproof - Why I don't want to see it...

2008-11-18T15:22:00.002-05:00

I was pretty frustrated when Boundless wrote up their very profuse endorsement of this movie.

I just listened to the Plugged-In guy and what he had to say about movies that are out and I think I finally can answer Ted's question to me on why I am so opposed to it.

Here it is - I can not stand the blanket approval given to something without question.

Yeah, this movie is put out by a church. Woohoo! But does that mean its going to be perfect?

Countless times, I've seen Plugged-In and Boundless come down REALLY hard on movies that were good with some negative elements (I'm not talking about Sex in the City, here, as I completely agree with Boundless's views on that particular movie...but Prince Caspian and The Dark Knight?)

And yet this movie gets a free pass? No where will you hear tell of the fact that there's an adulterous relationship going on in the movie. No where will you hear tell of the husband's porn addiction. Lets gloss over those for the sake that this movie is about redeeming marriage through thick and thin.

Oh...but yes...when any other movie has those elements (even for the sake of the plot line) the movies are painted with a red X and people are told "not recommended".

Never mind that Prince Caspian managed to hold on to the theme of trusting in that which you can't always see. Never mind that The Dark Knight had an incredibly profound story of self-sacrifice with the intent to redeem.

I just sometimes really wish Boundless and other Evangelical Christian mainstream outlets could actually manage to let go of their biases long enough to question. Long enough to seek truth and be willing to acknowledge when something that comes from a place they "should" endorse might actually be wrong, might actually have a negative element, might actually be worth questioning instead of blindly accepting.

Maybe that's why I was so vehemently opposed to Fireproof.

Too Picky? Or just careful?

2008-11-17T11:57:00.002-05:00

I found an interesting little bit of info...

Baby Center conducted a poll and polled over 22,000 women who had children over the age of 35.

The reason(s) they gave for waiting is not what you'd think...

7% waited for an established career.

The overwhelming winner, though, was a whopping 45% to waiting to find the right "one". Second in the winning was a 10% on not wanting to wait, but couldn't conceive.

Now, either the answers are bogus, times have changed, or some people really have no idea why women are waiting... Although maybe finding the right one has been largely eclipsed by the career, though the career was never the primary reason...

What these women thought was worse was also interesting -
Only 32% thought it was worse to end up infertile than to have children when emotionally or financially not ready.

I'd agree, but I wonder at their definitions of "emotionally or financially ready".

I somehow think they are a wee bit unrealistic.

Great Quotes

2008-11-17T11:05:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been bombarded by some great quotes (most from Smallville).

Its amazing how one disk can contain such a treasure trove of great things to say :)

Pardon my word for wordage, they aren't completely accurate...except the last one.

Sometimes, you need to treat feelings like dollars and put them in your piggy bank cuz you can't afford that bike yet. And when the time is right, you crack open that piggy bank to discover that instead of saving up for a bike, you were really savin' for a Harley.
~Lois Lane to Clark Kent concerning his feelings for Lana Lang

Experience is overrated. Especially in Washington.
~Lionel Luther to Martha Kent when discussing her qualifications for Senator

So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause.
~George Lucas

Role Reversal

2008-11-13T10:29:00.000-05:00

Today, the expansion pack for World of Warcraft was released.

I used to be a WoW addict. I stopped playing about a month before my fiance and I started dating.

I met a lot of my guildies in real life and loved it. One of them is coming to my wedding :) (She better, anyway...)

Lately, I've been really missing my tanking awesomeness with my little warrior and desperately missing all the friends I made.

Went in to Best Buy last night and I made a comment about it to the man...he told me "You are never playing that ever again."

/sigh.

Quote of the Day

2008-11-11T16:54:00.003-05:00

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
~ Douglas Adams

A Silver Lining

2008-11-07T15:55:00.003-05:00

I have Hope for Change.

Regardless of how good a president President-Elect Obama will be, there WILL be change after these 4 years.

He will either do really well and the change that HE is promising will come to pass, or he'll do so crappy that there is no way we can move forward without MAJOR political reform.

Is Now the Time...

2008-11-05T08:08:00.002-05:00

To fly the flag half-mast?

I kinda knew this was gonna happen, but I was really hoping it wouldn't.

Ah well...we'll find out in 4 years whether America made the worst mistake of its young pathetic life.

Life Goals

2008-11-03T17:27:00.002-05:00

I should really take what I write here and share it with my husband...

I wonder how surprised he'd be when he realizes that leaving me at as a SAHM will NOT make me a "Desperate Housewife" (He blames idle hands for their desperation).

1) Have a dozen children (this has been nixxed because he wants no more than 2. We compromised at 3)

2) Homeschool those children or volunteer at their school as a tutor.

3) Get involved with women's ministries at a church.

4) Start a women's choir at the church (have you noticed that choirs are vanishing and in their place, you have a male guitarist and lead vocalist, a male pianist, and 10 female back up singers??? And NONE of them sing harmony...PLEASE give them something better to do...)

5) Volunteer at a women's crisis pregnancy center and take courses in counseling.

6) Volunteer as a counselor for post-abortion women.

7) Start a type of home that helps women with many children and no financial support (they exist when they can't afford to go through channels for child support or they are married to a guy in just as much of a predicament as themselves) to develop the skills they need to find jobs that may help bring in a little added (and needed) cash flow.

There was a girl who worked for $5.15/hr as a concessionist who had a new baby boy. Her husband had just lost his job and her parents couldn't afford to let her live at home. The only job she could get was as a concessionist, even though she was a hard worker - why? Because she didn't have the skill set needed for a job that could use her brains and work ethic and she couldn't afford the training needed for it. She ended up pregnant again and was forced to find something that paid more. She left our work to work at Long John Silver's for $5.50/hr.

Some access to affordable computer training (free?) and affordable business attire (donated?) coulda landed her a job making at least $7.00/hr or more.

8) Operate/Open/Volunteer at an Orphanage and/or do Foster Care.

I'd adopt, but I'd rather help provide kids that are well cared for and well taught to people who can't have their own. I'm quite capable of providing my own :)

And considering my little issue with the Twin Gene, one pregnancy is all I need to provide more kids than I can handle =p

Introducing: The Husband Headache

2008-11-03T09:25:00.001-05:00

I'll start with:
I HATE THIS COMMERCIAL

I'll end with:

I'm ready for the world to acknowledge that women are not always right, that they are not above reproach, that they have an ego larger than any man's that prevents them from admitting to wrong and being reproachable but you STILL need to tell us when we're being bitchy and/or wrong.

Please stop letting women get away with EVERYTHING.

And why is it that the majority of men LET us get away with it? I have yet to figure that one out...

Even men with balls and the strength of mind to say it often refuse to - why?!?!?

The Discipline of Love

2008-10-29T11:52:00.004-04:00

Its amazing how the things you were told to do when you were younger without being given any reason for them can come back and haunt you years later...only with reason that was never revealed to you by parents who love you.

I remember getting into countless fights with my sister. We'd scream at eachother, kick, bite, tear eachother's hair out...ok, never that bad - mom usually got in the middle before it reached such heights! But we didn't get along that well. We still don't. Every time we'd get into a fight, mom would make us go and tell eachother we were sorry and that we loved the other.

I remember gawking at mom - "I have to tell her I love her?!?! WHY?!?!?!"

In my mind, if I didn't feel like it, I shouldn't say it - I thought I'd be lying. My mother's response? "You WILL tell her and you WILL mean it."

I remember years later how it felt to feel a thousand miles away from God - I felt like he wasn't anywhere near me. My head told me he was, my heart said he wasn't. I knew that the right thing to do was to continue in my discipline of being his child even though I didn't feel much like his child. Read my bible, make good decisions, think on good things.

It dawned on me yesterday in a way that hadn't really occurred to me before - I'm giving my life to one man for the rest of eternity. I'm promising to love him through thick and thin. What makes me think I'm capable of that when I can't seem to remain civil with my siblings for more than a few hours at a time? And our relationship is going to be MUCH more intimate than that of me and my siblings. Sure, I get to choose my husband whereas I had very little option in siblings, but after this decision of "I do", I no longer have a choice. He is my HUSBAND.

And the lessons taught me by my mother while having to tell my sister I loved her even when I didn't feel like it washed over me.

There will be moments when love is no longer a feeling. There will be moments when I will detest him and want to scream at him and tear his hair out. There will be moments when I don't want to have anything to do with him.

But through ALL of that, one thing will always be true - I WILL love him and I WILL mean it...because that's what I'm promising him, that's what I'm promising God, that's what I'm promising our family and friends, that's what I'm promising our children.

And in those moments when the entire world feels like its caving in on me, that's when the strength of my love for him will be on full display. Not when its easy, not when everything is beautiful...but when I don't "feel" it.

Florida Fall Memories

2008-10-28T14:49:00.003-04:00

I don't know what it is about this time of year that has my spirits so incredibly high.

The weather just turned to colder (high of 65 today with a low of 44 tonight). Normally, I can't stand the cold. But the last two days I've been dying to be outside at all hours.

I've been trying to think of WHY I have this feeling of contentedness with this weather and I think I'm realizing what it is.

From barbeques with Hot Dogs in the back yard, to soccer matches in the field across the street... There were Football games and madrigal dinner rehearsals in high school.

I remember outings to the park with the biggest wooden play ground in Ocala. I remember my birthday parties and getting ready for Christmas. Its the time of year of camping and canoeing, being harrassed by my cousin, sitting down to delicious Thanksgiving Dinner at my Uncle's, and flee markets for little kid affordable christmas shopping :)

I remember walks to the Tobacco Barns, hikes through the woods searching for wild boars (I do not recommend doing this in an area that actually has a risk of finding one...). I remember tree climbing and just curling up with a book and a blanket on my grannie's front porch.

And...this is actually Christmas Weather for Florida...so I'm reminded of Christmas presents, learning to juggle, playing with bubbles, cousins jumping in the pool (yeay for growing up in chicago and switzerland...). Baking cookies and decorating them, Advent dinners, hand bell rehearsals, nursing home rounds, and christmas pageants.

I remember acting out nursery rhymes for parents, aunts, and uncles with cousins and siblings. I remember cold toes, smores, tree houses, and bon fires. Jumping in leaves, pancake breakfasts in the motor home, cranky grandparents, and the coolest cookies you ever did see.

I really hope that I can capture for my own children the spirit of this time of year the way my family did for me. So well done, that I walk out the door and try to think - what is it that I should be doing right now?

I vote for smores :)

For Learner

2008-10-26T10:32:00.004-04:00

I'll add to this as I can, but you can start with this blog post I wrote a while back.

I'm not certain how well written it is or if it is viable - the only comment I got on it was from a guy who knows very little about scripture and christianity =p

I do like studying world religions. Islam is not mentioned in this because it is not an ancient world religion and, in fact, adopted heavily from Judaic history in its religious formation (again, Islam was first introduced around 600 c.e - 400 years before the crusades began).

All Those Roads

Zoroastrianism - Wikipedia
Lists the tenets of zoroastrianism as belief in one universal and transcendental God, the uncreated creator to whome all worship is directed.

Ahura Mazda's creation is truth and order.

Active participation in life is essential to ensure happiness and to keep "chaos at bay" - meaning actively participating in good thoughts, good words, and good deeds (sounds a lot like something christianity teaches, though not worded quite the same way)

Ahura Mazda will ultimately prevail, at which point the universe will undergo a cosmic renovation and time will end. At the end of time, a savior figure will bring about a final renovation of the world, in which the dead will be revived.

History of Zoroastrianism

This site gives a very brief history of Zoroastrianism. I guess I'm more prone to fall in line with conservative zoroastrians in that I think there was some of this theology alive and well in the Babylonian Empire at the time of Israel's exile there (time of Daniel). Like I say in my post, this is when apocalyptic writings are first introduced and it's also about this time that I think the idea of a savior is introduced into hebrew writings... even though the wording in the pentateuch is very "plural" when referring to God.

Overall, Zoroastrianism more closely resembles Christianity out of any other world religion. I realize this doesn't make it true, but it still holds that Judaism probably learned a lot from it. And given my post, I think you'll understand where I go from there =p

I guess something else I should add so you get a better idea of why I'm going here with this -

I strongly believe that the location of Israel is strategic. For such a small and "insignificant" nation, it has been exposed to the greatest civilizations of histroy...and they all knew about Israel. I strongly believe that God chose this spot for Israel so that he could display for the rest of the world what he was all about through his covenant with Israel. And I think that is what actually happened.

However, I also think putting Israel in that location also provided Israel with exposure to other peoples and their beliefs. Especially during Exile - first with Egypt, several times with Babylon, and again with Persia. The nature of Judaism never really changed - it maintained itself when surrounded by Asher, Baal, Ra, and Isis. However, it still managed to pick up some crucial elements...and I don't think it was by accident.

Purpose of Marriage

2008-10-22T15:09:00.002-04:00

I had a debate with my cube mates about the ammendment to the Florida Constitution about marriage being between one man and one woman.

The concensus of my cube is that "why do we care?!?!?" Well, that depends on what you think the purpose of marriage is...

Is it
1) The institution in which a couple finds satisfaction solely in their own relationship, therefore having no impact on anyone else in a culture or society
2) The institution that provides a stable environment and economy for raising children, therefore providing a strong nucleus that helps create a stable society

So...when you give your answer, also provide whether you think the Government should endorse such an institution and why you think that =p

In God I Put my Trust

2008-10-21T13:28:00.003-04:00

I wrote this a long time ago (last June I think). I was going through a lot of pain when I heard this song...as well as engaging in a debate on Abraham's sacrifice on a literature forum... When I heard this song, something just CLICKED. I don't know how it happened, but it just did.

So now, while discussing abortion on the last post and writing about trusting God, I remembered it...

Wake up little Isaac
And rub your tired eyes
Go and kiss your mama
We’ll be gone a little while
Come and walk beside me
Come and hold your papa’s hand
I go to make an altar
And to offer up my lamb

I waited on the Lord
And in a waking dream He came
Riding on a wind across the sand
He spoke my name
“Here I am”, I whispered
And I waited in the dark
The answer was a sword
That came down hard upon my heart

Chorous:
Holy is the Lord
Holy is the Lord
And the Lord I will obey
Lord, help me I don’t know the way

So take me to the mountain
I will follow where You lead
There I’ll lay the body
Of the boy You gave to me
And even though You take him
Still I ever will obey
But Maker of this mountain, please
Make another way

You know, imagine how difficult it would be to trust God enough to take up your own child to sacrifice. Now lets put this in perspective. We have an idea of God's nature. Abraham had none. Looking back through the Bible, we can get an idea of what God would or would not do, though we don't have a perfect understanding. Abraham couldn't do that, and yet, thinking God was just like any of the other idols that required human sacrifice, took his son up the mountain to sacrifice him. He trusted God. He put all his trust in God. He had absolutely no clue what to expect, but God said do it, and so Abraham did it. God had said he would make a mighty nation out of Abraham through his children with Sarah, and yet he trusted God and went to sacrifice his and Sarah's only child out of obedience.

So, having a better idea about who God is then Abraham did, why do we still seem to cling to things that God asks us to give up? We know that God has a plan for us, that he has promised to build us up and not destroy us, yet we constantly respond with stubborness when he asks us to sacrifice something and trust him. He's not asking us to sacrifice our first born or any other human being, yet we still struggle with obeying him. Why?

Since when did God ask us to do something that would cause us harm and destroy us? Why can't we trust him? Why can't we rest in the promises he has given us? Why can't we just give up our desires in exchange for trusting and desiring him?

What is our Goal?

2008-10-14T14:46:00.002-04:00

When fighting against abortion, I have to question what our goal is.

1) Is it to avenge the lives that have already been taken?
2) Is it to prevent future lives from being taken?
3) Is it to punish the mothers that have had abortions?
4) Is it to protect women who would have abortions from committing an atrocious act?

Honestly, I think people over-focus on 1, 2, and 3.

I'm not certain what happens to babies when they die, but I believe in a just and merciful God and I trust that he'll do whatever is right - even if my feeble, limited mind can't comprehend the "rightness" of what is done.

When it comes to abortion, for some reason my heart is more for the woman than the lost child. Don't get me wrong, I feel VERY strongly for the lost child...but its much much more for the mother.

We treat women who have had abortions with so much contempt, consigning them to death - "You've committed a SIN!!! The penalty of which is DEATH!!!" Good, you know your bible. Let's see if you remember the rest of the gospel.

Do they do this because they are concerned for future lives at stake? Somehow, I don't think that's what they are thinking...rather, they're thinking more about the life that's already been taken. What do you plan to accomplish here? Revenging that child's life? Are you a holy crusader for God, now, cursing people to hell for the sins they have committed? YES, what she did was WRONG! But that life is already gone, now. Revengence is God's and God's alone - leave it in his hands. But I believe the rest of scripture says that he LOVES us and wants us to be with him so much that he gave up his own son for us.

There's a life still living in spite of the loss of an innocent child at the hands of a not-so-innocent adult. God wants her life as much as he wanted that child to live and grow. But we can't bring back what is already lost...however, we can fight for that which has yet to be saved. If you want to be a crusader for God, fight hell for the heart of the woman who's mind and heart has been decieved with the worst lies to leave the spiked tongue of Satan's mouth.

Show her that if she acknowledges that what she did was wrong, than new life is at her fingertips...all she need do is repent of her actions and embrace Christ's cleansing gift. Don't force her to acknowledge death with no hope for life. God NEVER did that. Even as he sent Adam and Eve away from his garden forever to face the gaping mouth of death, he left a promise for New Life.

Are you willing to fight for her, too? Because she needs life just as much as the unborn child.

What I REALLY want to say...

2008-10-10T18:16:00.004-04:00

There's a fun discussion going on over at Boundless

I don't agree with Driscoll, that its a MUST to have men be the providers (meaning no SAHD's whatsoever), though I don't think that's completely what he's arguing for. However, I think its a VERY big mistake to allow SAHD's to become the norm and not just the occassional exception.

#96 on was my first post...this is what I want to post, but decided against it. Let #96 speak for itself.

Oh...

More to go with #96...

There are a ton of modern conveniences that have been invented over the years.

We have the refrigerator, CD players, and computer chips...

I read somewhere not so long ago that communities that were led by women (matri-focal societies) were not technologically advanced like their patriarchal counterparts. The societies focused on the men being primary care-givers. Eventually, the societies would die out.

Did you know the vast majority of the technology created (its not that women aren't SMART enough to do this) would have been near impossible to do if relying on women to carry us forward to the future?

First of all, heavy machinery is not safe.

Second of all, radiation is a common hazard in the development of the vast majority of our technology.

Maybe its just THIS culture and THIS society that doesn't get this, but previous cultures and societies placed GREAT importance on protecting the children of that society - why? Because they were the ones that would make sure the civilization would continue growing. Children were taken more seriously as an investment...especially healthy ones - mainly because the death rate of infants was so high (probably as high as our pre-birth death rates...)

Everything would be done that was known to be done by all involved in the society to ensure that healthy, hardy children were produced - including protecting women capable of having and raising young children (while the man worked).

Its odd that our society is so willing to go backwards and completely reverse itself. Even jared in #95 is willing to let it reverse itself... let women work. When they stop, I'll step up and get a job. But until then, I'm staying home - cuz its damn hard getting a job with my skill set cuz I have to compete with so many women.

Seriously, there's a reason Madame Curie was one of the ONLY women to pioneer radiology...

Why do I feel a need to add to this?

First of all, I'm not saying men are incapable of raising children. I am, however, saying they are incapable of bearing and nursing children =p (I'm correct here, right? Or did I miss something in Biology class? The Pregnant "Man" notwithstanding...)

I AM saying that society would not be able to have made the kinds of technological progress (or intellectual progress) if women were solely in charge - because until VERY recently, progress included dangerous work not suitable to a pregnant, breastfeeding woman (I'm not talking about paper pushing and desk jobs). Which, if you're a woman (back then) and being pregnant about 12-14 times, maybe 3-4 miscarriages, 1 stillborn, and 2 early-infant deaths, you'd be out of commission for 3 months for each miscarriage (1 full year), 9 months for the still born and infant deaths each (27 more months) + 3 months for each early infant death (breast-feeding...) (30 months now?) and then 1 yr + 9 months for pregnancy and weaning for 7 kids...lets be generous and say she'd get pregnant about halfway through the first year...apprx 7 years on top of 3.5 years - THAT'S 10 YEARS OF STALE MATE IN WORK OUTPUT!!!

Oh...but wait...they could just NOT have kids...

Its a good think we have patriarchal societies...let me tell you...

Cuz of them, we have buildings, houses, roads, cars, electricity (in light bulbs), cd players, tv's, radios, microwaves, refrigerators...the list could go on and on and on...

The Song of the Shrew

2008-10-09T17:45:00.002-04:00

Kiss Me Kate is playing in Orlando. My fiance leaves next week for 2 weeks of travel and I desperately want him to take me to see it before the show closes next week.

Because I'm starting to doubt whether I will get to see this wonderful musical based off of my favorite play-wright's Taming of the Shrew, I've been dabbling in some You-Tube searches of songs (I have a strange feeling the show I'm going to see is of much higher caliber than what I'll find on the tube...)

Among the searches, I yielded the deleterious I Hate Men sung by the infamous Katherine, whose shrewish voice yields such a tasty phrase as "For husbands are a boring lot that only give you bother..."

And then there's darling little Bianca, with her lovely little antics, singing her declaration of love to Tom, Dick, or Harry - she'd take all THREE!

If you know the story, forgive the recap, but here it goes - Bianca is the youngest of two (Katherine being her older sister) in a society that requires the oldest to marry before the youngest. Woe be to lusty Bianca, whose older sister thoroughly despises men and refuses to EVER marry. A suitor is on the horizon, though, and together with Bianca and dear father, schemes to match Katherine with a suitor that will not take no for an answer - and the story continues with Katherine's re-education on the importance, necessity, and desirability of...men.

I just realized while thinking random thoughts how much this story is like everything I've been struggling with since stumbling onto Anakin Nice-Guy's and MLV's blogs. My issue with them was that the stance they took on marriage hindered any progress - specifically for the ones that actually WANT to marry and actually do the right thing as wives.

And then this thought comes up - hey...me and girls like me are the Biancas of modern society...and our big sister that's ruining our chances at marital success are all the feminists and women that willfully tear down their husbands by refusing them access to their children and sapping them for all they're worth.

I wonder if its possible to find Petruchios willing to marry all those Katherines and re-educate them so the rest of the unmarried Biancas have a shot at some marital success ;)

Qualified or Not?

2008-10-08T12:07:00.002-04:00

I'm not a big Sarah Palin fan, to be quite honest.

It has my dad's toes curled to think that I may not vote for McCain/Palin. Nevermind that I've made it quite OBVIOUS that I will NOT (absolutely with no question) put my vote to that horrific man named Obama.

God help me if I ever choose to vote for him.

There are a lot of duplicitous opinions out there concerning Obama and McCain.

Here's an opinion I find very duplicitous.

My question is: Would any of these corporate success stories hire a similarly thin-resumed job candidate (male or female) to be their number two? To run their multi-billion dollar banking division? To launch their satellite into space? We've all interviewed the candidates who've been pushed too rapidly up the ladder, who can talk the talk but can't really walk the walk.

No, not a fan of dear Mrs. Palin and her Lipstick Campaign, but are you willing to give your number one slot in your multi-billion banking division to someone with a resume slim enough to rival that of Sarah Palin?

What good business sense have you really? Especially since your number 2 does significantly less (almost nada) in the running of your corporation while the number 1 is running the entire show...

I Know Why Women Nag

2008-09-25T16:13:00.002-04:00

Fear.

Such a simple and humble answer, isn't it?

Seriously, I've promised myself to never nag...and the fact that I'm marrying a guy who strongly enjoys saying things simply for my reaction is not going to help me keep that promise.

He's a very social guy. Previously, he's stated he wants to entertain friends in his home when he buys a house (Football parties, cook-offs, etc). Of course, ALL of this sounds like fun to me, as well, and I'm looking forward to getting to play hostess and throw on my new NY Giants jersey (I must tell him that I want that for my birthday) and waddle around with a growing tummy, replenishing popcorn bowl, ice bowl, and enjoying the Super Bowl on our giant TV Screen (that he absolutely wants) with all our friends.

Or experimenting with my cooking skills and inviting friends over for a friendly poker game, serving stuffed shrimp or home-made mini quiche...

When I mentioned to him today that I want to get addresses to start inviting people to an engagement/bridal party and so that I have them for a HOUSEWARMING party, he said "Absolutely Not!" He didn't want all those people in his new house making a mess (that he will have to help clean...). I found myself wondering if I really knew him...

The need to keep him in the category that he was in when I agreed to marry him is strong...its not that I won't love him any less...its not that I don't think I'll love him if he changes...its that I like who is right now... I already KNOW this is easy for me to love... Its like the song by Sara Groves called "Painting Pictures of Egypt" - we want to go back to where we've been, even with its faults and all, because the future feels so scary...simply because its unknown. We don't know what to expect, we don't know what we'll find. It could be amazing and SO much better than anything we could have imagined...but it could also be painful, scary, and dark. And we all know its going to be a little bit of both...

So, I find myself insisting (strongly) on him letting us throw parties in our new home... not nagging...not yet... but somehow it felt wrong.

Even though it turns out he was just messing with my head...