Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Movies, Friends, and all things Frustrating

First on the list - Movies.

I've noticed something incredibly appalling in recent movies that involve violence.

It is no longer ok to just kill people on screen and imply other things. It is now apparently necessary to rape, too.

As interesting as the movie Law-Abiding Citizen was, they didn't need to include that.

Its so strange. My reaction to these scenes, you'd think I'd been raped at some point in my past. I go into hysterics, shaking and suddenly feeling absolutely freezing cold while sobbing. I'm ok with this reaction. Now, movie producers can go back to leaving stuff like that to people's more sinister imaginations.

Second is Friends.

I've lost the only two followers to this blog that I had. Both were college friends. One significantly closer to me than the other. Or at least used to be. Though the 2nd follower doesn't bother me that much (we were never really that close - we love Jane Austen and music). Its the first one that does.

I understand that I wrote something offensive to her that was inappropriate to post on a blog. I also understand that my dogmatic view on feminism has been causing some tension and that the blogs I link to, she has found appalling. But rather than engage in healthy debate, she makes a retaliation post on her blog and never responds to comments.

Because of the (specifically) two posts she found offensive, we haven't really been on good terms lately. And this seriously bothers me.

I don't understand it. She was one of my closest friends in college even though we didn't agree on feminism. There were a lot of people who no longer talk to me who I had considered my closest friends in college. And the ones that were not that close are the ones that still call me up, send me messages on my birthday, and more readily engage in debate without walking away with hurt feelings. I guess that's why I went with someone who wasn't so close to me to be a bridesmaid for my wedding.


jay c said...

Everything we write is inspired by the people and events in our real life. And sometimes it surprises us what will push someone over the edge. I have accidentally burned a couple of bridges that way. Just this week I decided not to blog about too-personal subjects anymore, not under my own name and anywhere that anyone I know would ever see them. Although I have some important things to say (at least I think they're important), my real life relationships are too valuable to risk posting something that might do irreversible damage. My blog will still be inspired by my life, but I will no longer talk about relationships.

Anonymous said...

We all say or do things which alienate those who were once friends, or at least seemed to be. This happened to me once last year. It bothered me for a while. In my case, I said something that has a totally different meaning in Mexican culture than in mine, and I realized instantly I had offended and thus alienated.

I had to decide after while, that while I preferred it did not happen there isn't much I can do about it now, and life goes on.

Too many people beat themselves up for mistakes like this, and end up with bad self-esteem. I felt rotten for a while, and realized in the end I needed to forgive myself. I mean there are 6 billion people on the planet. I would not have offended for anything, but I can't mess up my own life with self-immolation for a stupid mistake.

I learned and hope to do better in the future. But, no more self-criticism over it.

There is a place in the Christian Bible which says something like: Love your neighbor as yourself. Most people think that means to love your neighbor, totally overlooking the exhortation to love yourself. Most people, in my opinion, do not.

Anonymous age 67