Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Silly Dreams and Random Stuff before Lent

Dreams are getting RIDICULOUS. What is it about pregnancy that does this?

Unfortunately for me, most of my dreams are nightmares. Take for instance last night's where I ended up in a house full of "family" that wasn't my family trying to find a moment of intimacy with my husband. That was amusing, actually, cuz it kinda felt like the first week of my honeymoon =p

Another one involved Child Services kidnapping my baby... throw on top of that one a previous dream in which I nearly suffocated my baby because my nanny-cat moved him out of the basinet and onto a bed full of blankets and pillows, then I got breast-milk up his nose while trying to feed him, and being told off by the child in my arms, proclaiming in a tiny, high-pitched voice "YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER!!!"

Disturbing...definitely very disturbing.

However, I did have a gem of a dream...imagine one of those reality cook shows like Hell's Kitchen and they introduce the head chef in the midst of spouting fire and smoke and a drum roll...

Announcer: Nationally recognized, winner of the such-and-such...

The best cook in the world!

Chaim Giomama!

Do pronounce Chaim as "I'm" and remember that Italian single g's are soft.

Say that name out loud to yourself.*


Several topics have come up that have me realizing that something REALLY needs to change in the societal conception that its taboo to discuss sex with parents (Ewwwwww....Gross!!!!).

First of all, EVERYONE talks about how difficult marriage is going to be and that you are not always going to feel in love. But regardless, love them ANYWAY. Because love is more than a feeling. You're attacked with such advice as "Never go to bed angry" and "Do the dishes together". But no one ever talks about the sex-life. Maybe mothers really should.

Second of all, peer pressure and abstinence among young adults...I bet you anything that if parents and children were more comfortable about discussing questions concerning it, abstinence might be more doable.


And lastly, this little gem of a quote that had me laughing. I think its true, but to hear it stated in such a way made me feel so glad someone said it:

"Boundless does advocate getting married young"

From what I've seen, Boundless doesn't advocate "getting married young", Boundless advocates being mature at a young age so that if you are called to marry young, your own immaturity doesn't instantly rule it out.

Thanks, Daniel!


So, starting tomorrow, NO MORE BLOGGING.

In 40 days, I'll get back to you and let you know how it all worked out. Maybe share some of my devotional revelations :)

Have a disciplined Lent and a Celebratory Easter! (Or Resurrection Day, whichever way your convictions sway you to call it...me, it'll involve Pasanki eggs, Deviled eggs, and haven't figured out which family, yet...I celebrate Resurrection Day EVERYDAY =p)

* Yes, I did just dream a "Yo Mama" joke.

I guess it fits...for all the best cooks in the world, nothing ever tops mom's home-cooking!

Friday, February 06, 2009

Long Distance Relationship

When I first started dating my husband last April, I was having a conversation with my dad and laughingly made the comment "I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy who lives 10 minutes away!"

Oh how things have NOT changed.

You see, my company is comprised of two primary tools of trade: Software Engineers and Systems Engineers. My husband is a Systems Engineer. But not just any Systems Engineer...he's in Integration & Test. Which means that in the later phases of system testing, his job takes him to the actual site that the program is running at. The first month of our relationship, he was gone for 3 weeks. I love my Dad - "Oh THAT'S why he's still dating you!"

The day after we returned from our honeymoon, he was leaving for a week. Not even a month later, and he's gone for 2 weeks. Over Valentine's Day (our first one). I guess to hold with tradition, we should spend it having a conversation on MS Communicator (FYI, that conversation last year made that day the best Valentine's Day of my life!).

He left this morning at 5:30AM.

You'd think I'd get used to it, but I realized the last time he was gone that it gets harder. And harder. And harder. This time, he wasn't gone for 2 minutes before I felt bereft. Luckily, my body is so exhausted from its creative work, that I was passed out before the tears stinging the back of my eyes had a chance to fall.

I've found, though, that the time he's away can be used beneficially. Its a good time for one-on-one time with God, a good chance for me to catch up with housework, and excellent time to spend with girl-friends, watching the movies he WON'T watch with me, and putting in overtime at work. And the next two weeks will involve extra work of packing and baby-registry shopping!

I guess these things help keep me focused and not too depressed. Though I know this time is going to be even harder. Its so strange what 5000 miles can do - I haven't gone without him any more than I do on a normal work day and I'm already missing his smile, his laugh, and his teasing.

Le sigh...so is life.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Truth

To preface this post: I'm 100% anti-abortion, I love kids, I've spent the vast majority of my life wanting more than you can count on one hand, and have spent the last 12 years spending 1-2 days a month curled in a ball BEGGING God to let me meet someone, fall in love, get married, and GET PREGNANT...just to avoid those horrible, seemingly endless cramps.

Now that I'm there, I have to make a confession:

I hate pregnancy.

Ok, not as much as I hate menstrual cramps. It still stands that 9 months of freedom from THAT abomination is worth the 14-24-72 hours of pain that result in a precious gift from God. Vs the equivalent of 9*24 hours of pain with no benefit except an express need to take out the garbage.

But truth be told, pregnancy sucks. I want to know all those women who had such "wonderful" pregnancies cuz I swear, I don't believe them.

I'm not vain, I'm not that hung up over a gigantic stomach...not for aesthetic reasons, anyway...but I seriously have to say I feel deformed. For something that is so natural, I feel incredibly unnatural. I can't move without groaning, my mid-back is constantly sore, and when I'm lying in bed, you can play with my stomach like a Bozo Bop Bag. Bop me that way, I roll. Bop me the other, I come back. Just don't ask me to sit up, or you'll be waiting a while.

Maybe if the first 6 months hadn't been filled with unending morning sickness, I wouldn't have this attitude about it...But 6 months of torture to be replaced with a different kind of torture is just ridiculous. At least most women get 3 months off between morning sickness and playing "Bozo".

And this whole thing called an increased sex-drive during pregnancy? *Ahem* my husband hasn't seen any of that. More like me breaking out in unreasonable tears whenever he tries to make a pass. And do you know why I cry? Because I was so naive to think that I would never be one of those wives to turn her husband down and here I am so incredibly out of physical sorts that the thought of doing THAT turns my tummy upside down and has me begging to wait. Wait. Wait for...what is it? Six more months? No wonder I'm in tears. No wonder he waits til I'm asleep to come to bed.

And yet, the optimism for the end is very strong. I know that what my body is doing is good. That it is God-ordained that my body do these things. And I know it will be so worth it when we're done. And in spite of the 9-12 month dry-spell, I know God will give me back some physical desire for my husband =p

So until then, remember its worth it.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009


I was reading this article and was immediately convicted...

Only its not an "Apple" Addiction - its a technology addiction.

I have been noticing lately that I've been shirking some responsibilities and old hobbies - cleaning my house, books, and sewing to name a few.

So I think its time for me to curb some of this. I think that I'll be giving up technology for Lent...with the exception of education (improving my website building, brushing up on Java or database design, and dabbling in my photography).

No internet, no video games. Goodbye Blogs and Blogging. Goodbye Zelda and Civ 4 (hubby will be crushed by that one). Hello British History, PHP, Brisingr, and, most importantly, GOD.

It will be good for me to work on time to start preparing for the upcoming arrival of the newest member of my family, as well.

So don't expect to see me much come February 25th.

I thought I was DONE!

I added a new name to my list...

Ethan James.

/sigh I thought I was done with this already...

Darn it for men that have no particular interest in baby names >.<

Monday, February 02, 2009

"Christian" Yoga and Other Eastern Disciplines

Someone on Boundless.org made a passing comment about "Christian" Yoga very very briefly and it brought to mind some questions I have on the subject.

It never bothered me to practice or learn Yoga, as long as the spiritual aspects of it remained out of it or neutral. But then, I strongly believe that the original concept of Buddhism IS religiously neutral...though it focuses on spiritual discipline concepts - like meditation, relaxation, peace, and openness.

Some of the things I learned in taking that required Yoga course in college (cuz I was NOT doing scuba diving thanks to a fear of water) helped in my own devotions. Breathing concepts helped me relax. Being able to open my mind helped me be more receptive to the scripture I was reading and hearing God's voice - I did less talking and more listening...something that is profoundly difficult for many people.

Yoga taught me how to "be still and know" that He is God by getting past my own physical tension and the clutter in my mind by FOCUSING on nothing but God. I could be a deer by still waters no matter where I was.

There are other Eastern Disciplines that focus on mental, spiritual, and physical discipline, too. Tae Kwon Do, Karate, and the other martial arts form practiced in China provide a certain amount of focus on something beyond yourself while moving your body through highly structured physical moves. The precision and exactitude, while not necessary to cultivate a meaningful communion with God, helps on some occasion.

For me, practicing discipline in other areas of my life helps and bolsters the discipline in my walk with God.

Is this wrong and blasphemous? Or is practicing meditative disciplines for the purpose of seeking His Face fully acceptable to God?