This Just In...

Annoyed, pregnant woman with a naive view of child-birth.

At least that's what I feel everyone around me is saying. As the date gets closer (less than 6 weeks, now), there are certain things that people do that are starting to bother me.

And oddly, its not the standard things that most pregnant women complain about on the pregger boards. Standards seem to be belly-touching, constant asking if your pregnant...swiftly followed by all the other questions - do you know what your having? is this your first? how far along?

No, my issues as I get closer to the "most painful experience of a woman's life" is the barrage of baby stories (in infinitely excruciating detail) from other mothers (both new and old) and the constant (what feels like) condensation when I comment on how I'm hoping to avoid the Epidural.

The first one, I'm learning to handle. As much as I really don't want to hear horror stories when I have to do this anyway (and I'm expecting pain and torture all the way around, I did my research early on), I've come to the conclusion that their telling of the stories is as much for them as it is for me. I mean, after having a baby, there's only a select group of people who can share in that experience.

However, the second one is grating to no end! I am not set on "going natural". I simply have a strong fear of needles that I've learned to control over the years to the extent to be able to get boosters and give blood. But I have not extended that control to needles as long as my forearm that have to stay in me for ANY period of time. Hence why - as vain as I have been about my gorgeous stomach - I will NEVER get a belly button piercing to save my life.

But when I mention that I don't want an epi, people tell me how much pain I'll be in and that I'll change my mind and I shouldn't have that expectation because I'll only be disappointed if I cave (oh...and I WILL cave...). Well wait, I just told you I'm not opposed to using pain relieving methods, so why do you think I'll feel like a cop-out for caving to one? NO, I just don't want that thing IN me. Needles that big and catheters SCARE me. Got it? Well, not quite...but maybe they've caught on...maybe...

Cuz then comes the "you'll be in so much pain you won't CARE!" Well great. If I'm in that much pain, then sure! Lets do it. But what if I'm not? Lets say that the pain really is not EXCRUCIATING to the point that I can ignore this long needle going into my back long enough for the anesthetician to thread a little tube into my body. But it IS bad enough that I really don't want to handle it. What other options are there?

"Oh trust me, you won't be that lucky."

Well, pardon me for saying so, but I hear labor and delivery experiences are similar within families. Yes, there can be variations, but they keep telling us that if you want SOME idea of what your experience MAY be like, look to your mothers and grandmothers. Well, my reproductive history has always been a LOT like my mother's. Same excruciating menstrual cycles that we have had to learn to deal with through the years. So maybe our labor and delivery stories could be similar.

Her first delivery lasted 4 hours. She went through all of early labor not even knowing she was in labor. The rest of the delivery felt like a really bad period.

Ok...so all you people who say there's no way I could have such an easy delivery, apparently there IS a chance.

I don't care how small it is or how big it is, there is that chance.

So what are my other options? And if it hurts so much I cave to an epi, trust me, I will not be disappointed. Just in so much pain that I won't mind that stupid needle. But just in case...give me another choice.