Saturday, September 26, 2009

Strange Dreams

You know, I hate it when my husband is on travel. Going to sleep is the worst, though.

Lately, I've been having the strangest dreams that make me incredibly uneasy. And I dont' feel rested at all in the morning after them.

Pretty much, in my dreams my husband doesn't exist. And I live my life as if he doesn't - but the entire time I have this nagging feeling that something isn't right...that something important is missing. Its like a craving for something that I don't know yet.

So, I'll end up dating someone and not feeling right about it because its as if they aren't the person I'm supposed to be with...I feel uneasy and push them away, not certain what it is I'm looking for.

Occassionally, I'll find him and I'll sleep peacefully the rest of the night...but most of the time, he's not there...

/sigh - I wonder how military wives handle this...


Amy said...

Hello Christina, I've peeked on your blog here and there and simply had to comment on this post. I am an army wife and know very similar feelings far too well. My husband returned two months ago from his most recent year long visit to the sandy place and sleep was not my friend for a good portion of the time he was away.

We military wives have a term for the wacky sleep habits that can come about: deployment insomnia. It's not real insomnia exactly, but not being able to sleep due to anxiety, an inability to relax, strange dreams, or sometimes simply savoring the only time you might have gotten alone that day after little ones are asleep.

I'd routinely have this horrible dream, the type that seems real even upon waking, that my husband had been killed and the casualty alert team was en route to my house. One morning after I had had this recurring nightmare, I was awoken by a surprise knock on the door and absolutely freaked out. I decided I just wouldn't answer the door and everything would be okay. Denial, what can I say.

Rationally I knew that was not at my door, but I was far too anxious to calm down after that. I then called a friend from my closet, explained what had happened, and told her she needed to come over. She thankfully did and when she got there, she found a flower delivery outside my door. Talk about feeling like a complete and total idiot. ;o) At least she is a fellow army wife, so she knows I'm not totally nuts. Maybe just halfway. haha.

I had another recurring dream, too, that began during the last three months, the final countdown. In this dream, my husband would call and tell me his deployment would be extended for another six months. And every time I had this dream, I'd wake up and it just seemed so real I'd halfway believe it until he called me again with no new return date.

Having a husband who is away is difficult and while we may not have the exact same circumstances, please know my email is always available if you need somebody to talk to or need any ideas about handling separations. I sincerely hope that offer doesn't sound creepy, though I realize it might. :P


Christina said...

Thank you so much.

It is good to know I'm somewhat normal.