So I have this dilemma.
Its called the Student Loan dilemma.
Fiance and I have determined that until my student debt is paid off, I will be working part time to pay them off.
I see no end.
I need prayers for wisdom in managing my finances and time, peace of mind while paying off $30,000 in student debt, and strength of will in making it through work and home life.
I figure that if I can scrape together $2000/month between now and baby born, that'll knock it down to $20,000. $1000/month after that will take me 2 years.
I can do it, right? Or should I just be more practical?
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Why do Women Fall for Jerks?
I finally stumbled on the answer to this question.
In a movie theatre.
Narrator:
A girl will never forget the first boy she ever liked.
Queue 4-year-old girl being pushed over by a 4-year-old boy
Little girl: "Why did you do that?"
Little boy: "Because you smell like dog poo!"
Tears and running to mommy, mommy's response was this little tidbit of pathetic "wisdom":
"Honey, do you know why that little boy did those things? Because he likes you."
That's the beginning of our problem. We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk, that means he likes you.
I have to go see this movie. It's He's Just Not That Into You With 2 of my girlfriends that went for 19+ years not knowing "does he like me, does he not", falling for the wrong guys (but never dating) only to find ourselves all getting married within a year of eachother.
I've never read the book, but the movie kinda looks cute for girls which kinda watches the misadventures and mistakes of attempting to fall in love =p And not quite succeeding...for some (not so odd) reason.
In a movie theatre.
Narrator:
A girl will never forget the first boy she ever liked.
Queue 4-year-old girl being pushed over by a 4-year-old boy
Little girl: "Why did you do that?"
Little boy: "Because you smell like dog poo!"
Tears and running to mommy, mommy's response was this little tidbit of pathetic "wisdom":
"Honey, do you know why that little boy did those things? Because he likes you."
That's the beginning of our problem. We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk, that means he likes you.
I have to go see this movie. It's He's Just Not That Into You With 2 of my girlfriends that went for 19+ years not knowing "does he like me, does he not", falling for the wrong guys (but never dating) only to find ourselves all getting married within a year of eachother.
I've never read the book, but the movie kinda looks cute for girls which kinda watches the misadventures and mistakes of attempting to fall in love =p And not quite succeeding...for some (not so odd) reason.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Altars and Diapers
I opened my eyes this morning to feel kicking somewhere in my lower abdomen (he's kicking me right now, actually).
I laid there with my eyes closed, my hand on my tummy, a smile of contentment as I left the Bride's Room, traced the steps that I've walked countless times to the Sanctuary, dropped a bouquet of flowers at the Memorial behind the church, and continued my little procession to the back door of the church.
There, my dad met me, and I knocked on the church door. My youngest brother opened it and asked me if I was sure I wanted to marry this man. "ABSOLUTELY!" was my reply, causing laughter among the congregants who heard.
Then the organ started that march. And all the pews groaned as they relinquished the weight of all their seated guests. And I walk into the sanctuary...and I'm about to round that corner to head to the front of the church...and right before I get there, that line from How Beautiful by Twila Paris echoes in my mind:
And there he is. Standing at the front of the church. With a smile as big as the sea.
*kick*
Ok, so its not going to be everything I've dreamed about since I was 13...but I don't think its possible for ANYTHING to ruin that day (that's only 8 days away!!!)
Alas, dreaming seems to be only conducive to my bed these days. Outside of it, I feel like a zombie marching to the Death March as I plod through the remaining 4 days of work (TGIF!!!) I anticipate Christmas Afternoon, with belly full of mom's yummy goodness, when I get to take a LONG and (IMHO) well deserved nap before New Mom feeds me dinner (fingers crossed for her wonderful twice-baked potatoes). Then perhaps I'll feel better :)
Lately, as I go through the daily routine of work, I've found myself apprehensive at my parenting skills. Specifically, discipline. I know I can do the playing thing...especially the "let baby explore" thing. But discipline? All these do's and don't's have me questioning my ability to do this. But then I have to remind myself that I really am well equipped for this.
I mean, I'm no push-over. I may come across as such on occassion, but really I'm not. I know its different, but I seemed to have done really well with my cat. Though as soon as new hubby is gone for travel after the honeymoon, some much needed RE-discipline is in store for that cranky, jealous, feisty Kitty.
And that's something else that concerns me. She pounces, bats, and FIGHTS with the man when he's around. But as soon as its just the two of us, she's sweet as pie! I'm only a little nervous how she's going to handle a baby. I know she's good with kids...she handled my best friend's baby superbly! But I don't know how she's going to take to MY new baby. After all, Kitty had been the love of my life for 18 months before new hubby came along. The only other person she had to share me with was her "daddy" (my last bf). She gets along great with him =p Good thing he'll be taking care of her while I'm on my honeymoon =p
If that's what cats are like during a "divorce", I don't even care to imagine what it would be like with kids. Luckily, I have no intention of going there =p
I laid there with my eyes closed, my hand on my tummy, a smile of contentment as I left the Bride's Room, traced the steps that I've walked countless times to the Sanctuary, dropped a bouquet of flowers at the Memorial behind the church, and continued my little procession to the back door of the church.
There, my dad met me, and I knocked on the church door. My youngest brother opened it and asked me if I was sure I wanted to marry this man. "ABSOLUTELY!" was my reply, causing laughter among the congregants who heard.
Then the organ started that march. And all the pews groaned as they relinquished the weight of all their seated guests. And I walk into the sanctuary...and I'm about to round that corner to head to the front of the church...and right before I get there, that line from How Beautiful by Twila Paris echoes in my mind:
How beautiful the radiant bride
Who waits for her groom
With his light in her eyes
And there he is. Standing at the front of the church. With a smile as big as the sea.
*kick*
Ok, so its not going to be everything I've dreamed about since I was 13...but I don't think its possible for ANYTHING to ruin that day (that's only 8 days away!!!)
Alas, dreaming seems to be only conducive to my bed these days. Outside of it, I feel like a zombie marching to the Death March as I plod through the remaining 4 days of work (TGIF!!!) I anticipate Christmas Afternoon, with belly full of mom's yummy goodness, when I get to take a LONG and (IMHO) well deserved nap before New Mom feeds me dinner (fingers crossed for her wonderful twice-baked potatoes). Then perhaps I'll feel better :)
Lately, as I go through the daily routine of work, I've found myself apprehensive at my parenting skills. Specifically, discipline. I know I can do the playing thing...especially the "let baby explore" thing. But discipline? All these do's and don't's have me questioning my ability to do this. But then I have to remind myself that I really am well equipped for this.
I mean, I'm no push-over. I may come across as such on occassion, but really I'm not. I know its different, but I seemed to have done really well with my cat. Though as soon as new hubby is gone for travel after the honeymoon, some much needed RE-discipline is in store for that cranky, jealous, feisty Kitty.
And that's something else that concerns me. She pounces, bats, and FIGHTS with the man when he's around. But as soon as its just the two of us, she's sweet as pie! I'm only a little nervous how she's going to handle a baby. I know she's good with kids...she handled my best friend's baby superbly! But I don't know how she's going to take to MY new baby. After all, Kitty had been the love of my life for 18 months before new hubby came along. The only other person she had to share me with was her "daddy" (my last bf). She gets along great with him =p Good thing he'll be taking care of her while I'm on my honeymoon =p
If that's what cats are like during a "divorce", I don't even care to imagine what it would be like with kids. Luckily, I have no intention of going there =p
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Baby Name Baby Name
Monday, December 15, 2008
Industrialization and the Decline of Families?
I found this article and it got me wondering.
Lets see if I can come up with an order of events that seems to make sense:
1) Industrialization leads to a more demanding work environment.
2) In a culture where men are the primary workforce, it leads to absent fathers in the home due to long working hours.
3) Absent spouses leads to disgruntled marriages and *somewhat* higher divorce rates.
4) *Somewhat* higher divorce rates leads women to seek financial independence prior to a marriage that might fail.
5) Additional bodies in the workforce (now men and women) leads to increased industrialization.
6) Increased industrialization leads to a demanding work environment on the entire populace.
In America, (7) is thriving day cares, single mommies (no hubby to worry about) and child support when poorly nurtured relationships fall to pieces due to increased work hours and an entire society and culture with backwards priorities.
In Japan, (7) is men who still expect the traditional lifestyle and a working culture that doesn't allow it. And to couple that, now a society that REQUIRES female workers WHILE married...or their industrialized society will collapse from the lack of labor. They are stuck in a perpetual circle.
I wonder if America would be able to survive without a female workforce. I think they could. I don't know if Japan could, though.
And from what I know of work + family-life, I think I'd die if stuck in the work environment I'm in now while trying to care for a household, children, and making time for the quality of relationship I want with my husband.
Its TOO demanding.
I'll trade in my badge for an apron and a vacuum cleaner any day.
Lets see if I can come up with an order of events that seems to make sense:
1) Industrialization leads to a more demanding work environment.
2) In a culture where men are the primary workforce, it leads to absent fathers in the home due to long working hours.
3) Absent spouses leads to disgruntled marriages and *somewhat* higher divorce rates.
4) *Somewhat* higher divorce rates leads women to seek financial independence prior to a marriage that might fail.
5) Additional bodies in the workforce (now men and women) leads to increased industrialization.
6) Increased industrialization leads to a demanding work environment on the entire populace.
In America, (7) is thriving day cares, single mommies (no hubby to worry about) and child support when poorly nurtured relationships fall to pieces due to increased work hours and an entire society and culture with backwards priorities.
In Japan, (7) is men who still expect the traditional lifestyle and a working culture that doesn't allow it. And to couple that, now a society that REQUIRES female workers WHILE married...or their industrialized society will collapse from the lack of labor. They are stuck in a perpetual circle.
I wonder if America would be able to survive without a female workforce. I think they could. I don't know if Japan could, though.
And from what I know of work + family-life, I think I'd die if stuck in the work environment I'm in now while trying to care for a household, children, and making time for the quality of relationship I want with my husband.
Its TOO demanding.
I'll trade in my badge for an apron and a vacuum cleaner any day.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Blatant Inconsistency
I seriously detest when so-called "Christians" blatantly disregard scripture and decide they are themselves God's gift to mankind and its up to them to side with the secular world against other Christians.
I can understand trying to come up with an argument that doesn't use scripture per se in order to use against secular arguments, but why are they so blatantly inconsistent with scripture by taking the clearly unscriptural position?
God created mankind male and female. Male and Female he created them.
Oh, but animals have homosexual relations, so THAT'S natural, too.
In a fallen world, sure it is. But CLEARLY that was not God's design.
Male and Female he created them. He created mankind - the crown of his creation.
Wait...are we different than animals?
I can hear it now - no. Which is biologically and anatomically correct. But they are so quick with that answer that they don't ask themselves and take into consideration their own beliefs. If I'm biologically and anatomically an animal, why didn't Jesus die for ALL of creation and not just humans?
What makes ME different than an animal that God would die for me?
And go ahead and answer that question using a secular argument. I don't mind. Because at least you'd be consistent with your beliefs.
I can understand trying to come up with an argument that doesn't use scripture per se in order to use against secular arguments, but why are they so blatantly inconsistent with scripture by taking the clearly unscriptural position?
God created mankind male and female. Male and Female he created them.
Oh, but animals have homosexual relations, so THAT'S natural, too.
In a fallen world, sure it is. But CLEARLY that was not God's design.
Male and Female he created them. He created mankind - the crown of his creation.
Wait...are we different than animals?
I can hear it now - no. Which is biologically and anatomically correct. But they are so quick with that answer that they don't ask themselves and take into consideration their own beliefs. If I'm biologically and anatomically an animal, why didn't Jesus die for ALL of creation and not just humans?
What makes ME different than an animal that God would die for me?
And go ahead and answer that question using a secular argument. I don't mind. Because at least you'd be consistent with your beliefs.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The Paradox
I always saw the people that comprised the liberal left to be the artists, the philosophers. The ones that questioned and thrived on deviating from the norm, presenting questions for the conservative right to be challenged to come up with good answers to.
They're the ones that move us forward while the conservatives keep those new, revolutionary ideas within solid boundaries rather than racing headlong into something that wasn't well thought out. Conservatives stop and analyze. They apply logic to the creativity. They apply standards to it. If this new creativity is worthy of pursuit, they join the drive...only they hold it back and give it reason without the headlong crash over a thought-less cliff of revolutionary ideas.
And I see that the liberals have moved quite head-long to their cliff. Liberal creativity and questioning cannot exist in the government that liberal minds think they want. They haven't stopped to analyze and apply logic to their creative and innovative ideas of a liberal government.
Conservatives have. And they know. They know that the creativity that makes America unique in the fields of Entertainment, Medicine, and Technology can only thrive under a conservative government. The more liberal the government, the more suppressed creativity and questioning becomes. It has a more decisive role in how you run your life, in what your allowed to do, in what your allowed to think.
One of the most liberal governments out there consists of China - a country that isn't allowed to question their government. Is not allowed to question what they are taught. Is not allowed to question what they are told to believe.
Do liberals really want this? Or have they just not stopped to analyze? After all, its not the liberals role to analyze. That's the conservative, logic-confined, religion-confined types to analyze and ensure it's good. They have found it lacking. And rather than work cooperatively together, we have completely and totally split at the seams.
They're the ones that move us forward while the conservatives keep those new, revolutionary ideas within solid boundaries rather than racing headlong into something that wasn't well thought out. Conservatives stop and analyze. They apply logic to the creativity. They apply standards to it. If this new creativity is worthy of pursuit, they join the drive...only they hold it back and give it reason without the headlong crash over a thought-less cliff of revolutionary ideas.
And I see that the liberals have moved quite head-long to their cliff. Liberal creativity and questioning cannot exist in the government that liberal minds think they want. They haven't stopped to analyze and apply logic to their creative and innovative ideas of a liberal government.
Conservatives have. And they know. They know that the creativity that makes America unique in the fields of Entertainment, Medicine, and Technology can only thrive under a conservative government. The more liberal the government, the more suppressed creativity and questioning becomes. It has a more decisive role in how you run your life, in what your allowed to do, in what your allowed to think.
One of the most liberal governments out there consists of China - a country that isn't allowed to question their government. Is not allowed to question what they are taught. Is not allowed to question what they are told to believe.
Do liberals really want this? Or have they just not stopped to analyze? After all, its not the liberals role to analyze. That's the conservative, logic-confined, religion-confined types to analyze and ensure it's good. They have found it lacking. And rather than work cooperatively together, we have completely and totally split at the seams.
Monday, December 08, 2008
The Threat
It looms always over me (unless I am medicated) - that ever persistent feeling of nausea.
It just won't go away on its own! And as I struggle to keep what I just ate down (especially the pepperoni hot pocket that I know will taste just horrible in a 2nd go around), I find my lips pursed and my brow wrinkled.
After sitting this way for 2 hours, I no longer wonder my cat has this sour expression when she looks at me - she just mimics my facial expressions.
And my mouth and head are starting to hurt.
Can I just go to sleep until this is over?
It just won't go away on its own! And as I struggle to keep what I just ate down (especially the pepperoni hot pocket that I know will taste just horrible in a 2nd go around), I find my lips pursed and my brow wrinkled.
After sitting this way for 2 hours, I no longer wonder my cat has this sour expression when she looks at me - she just mimics my facial expressions.
And my mouth and head are starting to hurt.
Can I just go to sleep until this is over?
Sunday, December 07, 2008
No Place Like Home
You ever find a church that just FEELS right?
It's like putting on a pair of well-worn gloves. Comfy, solid, warm.
I found that church. 2 years ago when my parents decided to do this new family tradition and go to Washington DC every Christmas just to keep the family together. My sister had married in February of 2006 and had moved to DC sometime that summer with her husband. Mom & Dad (especially Dad) didn't like the idea of the family not being together for Christmas. So, we all packed into Mom's new Ford Explorer and drove up to DC for the weekend.
My parents took us to Truro Church for the Christmas Eve service. If I could explain the amount of JOY and PEACE and absolute solidity of that church to you, I would. Active young adults that participate in the service (in REAL roles...like organist). Preaching that brings scripture home to you in a relevant way without putting you to sleep. High church liturgy and eucharist with a PHENOMENAL choir. A choir that sings all hymns in 4 part harmony with descants, sings all worship songs in 4 part harmony with an electric guitar and drums. Yes...Organ, electric guitar, and drums. You never knew classic hymns could sound so joyful and upbeat, did you?
They held to the sacredness of the service while bringing home to you the reason for rejoicing.
It felt like home. I was going to relocate myself to DC just so I could become a member of that church. Then I started dating someone here in Florida. I fell in love. Now I'm getting married.
Now I have to find a church HERE that takes liturgy seriously without sacrificing worship (which seems to be a really tricky thing to do).
And I find myself comparing every church with Truro. Time for me to stop. Today, I went to a church with good solid preaching, took liturgy seriously, and has a very good choir. Its very high churchy and extremely classical (no new music for them), but it was good. No Truro, but I'll continue visiting DC twice a year to get my Truro fix.
It's like putting on a pair of well-worn gloves. Comfy, solid, warm.
I found that church. 2 years ago when my parents decided to do this new family tradition and go to Washington DC every Christmas just to keep the family together. My sister had married in February of 2006 and had moved to DC sometime that summer with her husband. Mom & Dad (especially Dad) didn't like the idea of the family not being together for Christmas. So, we all packed into Mom's new Ford Explorer and drove up to DC for the weekend.
My parents took us to Truro Church for the Christmas Eve service. If I could explain the amount of JOY and PEACE and absolute solidity of that church to you, I would. Active young adults that participate in the service (in REAL roles...like organist). Preaching that brings scripture home to you in a relevant way without putting you to sleep. High church liturgy and eucharist with a PHENOMENAL choir. A choir that sings all hymns in 4 part harmony with descants, sings all worship songs in 4 part harmony with an electric guitar and drums. Yes...Organ, electric guitar, and drums. You never knew classic hymns could sound so joyful and upbeat, did you?
They held to the sacredness of the service while bringing home to you the reason for rejoicing.
It felt like home. I was going to relocate myself to DC just so I could become a member of that church. Then I started dating someone here in Florida. I fell in love. Now I'm getting married.
Now I have to find a church HERE that takes liturgy seriously without sacrificing worship (which seems to be a really tricky thing to do).
And I find myself comparing every church with Truro. Time for me to stop. Today, I went to a church with good solid preaching, took liturgy seriously, and has a very good choir. Its very high churchy and extremely classical (no new music for them), but it was good. No Truro, but I'll continue visiting DC twice a year to get my Truro fix.
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