I laid there with my eyes closed, my hand on my tummy, a smile of contentment as I left the Bride's Room, traced the steps that I've walked countless times to the Sanctuary, dropped a bouquet of flowers at the Memorial behind the church, and continued my little procession to the back door of the church.
There, my dad met me, and I knocked on the church door. My youngest brother opened it and asked me if I was sure I wanted to marry this man. "ABSOLUTELY!" was my reply, causing laughter among the congregants who heard.
Then the organ started that march. And all the pews groaned as they relinquished the weight of all their seated guests. And I walk into the sanctuary...and I'm about to round that corner to head to the front of the church...and right before I get there, that line from How Beautiful by Twila Paris echoes in my mind:
How beautiful the radiant bride
Who waits for her groom
With his light in her eyes
And there he is. Standing at the front of the church. With a smile as big as the sea.
Ok, so its not going to be everything I've dreamed about since I was 13...but I don't think its possible for ANYTHING to ruin that day (that's only 8 days away!!!)
Alas, dreaming seems to be only conducive to my bed these days. Outside of it, I feel like a zombie marching to the Death March as I plod through the remaining 4 days of work (TGIF!!!) I anticipate Christmas Afternoon, with belly full of mom's yummy goodness, when I get to take a LONG and (IMHO) well deserved nap before New Mom feeds me dinner (fingers crossed for her wonderful twice-baked potatoes). Then perhaps I'll feel better :)
Lately, as I go through the daily routine of work, I've found myself apprehensive at my parenting skills. Specifically, discipline. I know I can do the playing thing...especially the "let baby explore" thing. But discipline? All these do's and don't's have me questioning my ability to do this. But then I have to remind myself that I really am well equipped for this.
I mean, I'm no push-over. I may come across as such on occassion, but really I'm not. I know its different, but I seemed to have done really well with my cat. Though as soon as new hubby is gone for travel after the honeymoon, some much needed RE-discipline is in store for that cranky, jealous, feisty Kitty.
And that's something else that concerns me. She pounces, bats, and FIGHTS with the man when he's around. But as soon as its just the two of us, she's sweet as pie! I'm only a little nervous how she's going to handle a baby. I know she's good with kids...she handled my best friend's baby superbly! But I don't know how she's going to take to MY new baby. After all, Kitty had been the love of my life for 18 months before new hubby came along. The only other person she had to share me with was her "daddy" (my last bf). She gets along great with him =p Good thing he'll be taking care of her while I'm on my honeymoon =p
If that's what cats are like during a "divorce", I don't even care to imagine what it would be like with kids. Luckily, I have no intention of going there =p