Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Topic for discussion:

Is the sentiment that women don't need a husband to be "complete" truly a biblical sentiment or a consequence of feminist thought?

And is the sentiment that men don't need a wife an indirect consequence of such thought?

**Disclaimer: I am not saying that celibacy is not a worthy calling. Because I'm usually interested in the aspect of marriage, celibacy doesn't come into play around here much, but I recognize it as a worthy gift.**


single/certain said...

you might call it a consequence of feminist thought... sure. i'd call it just wrong.

i've wavered on this a lot in recent years, as i've dealt with 10 years of singleness.

i don't think it says anywhere in scripture that you must be married to be 'complete.' paul says a lot of things about marriage.

i also think that marriage is a gift, given by god. he gives it to most people, yes. but not everyone. and since when is a gift necessary to be 'complete?'

marriage is a gift, not a mandate, or a right, or a necessity.

single/certain said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
single/certain said...

i can't type today.... to finish my thought about paul: paul says a lot of things about marriage (and singleness) but nowhere does he say that we are incomplete without it.

Christina said...

S/C - I can determine if you agree that you don't need a husband to be "complete" or disagree...

Anyway, I definitly don't think marriage is for everyone, but I wonder if God made people a little bit different with the intention of giving them that gift - of course they'd have to be willing to accept it.

God made man and it was not enough...the world was not finished and adam was not complete - in spite of the most perfect relationship with God that could ever be had. He was not complete until God made Eve - whom he made FOR Adam, as a companion. And then it was complete.

What if there are Adams out there that aren't "complete" without their Eve? What if there are Eves out there that were made for their Adam?

Is any amount of pushing into the thought that only satisfaction in your relationship with God can make you complete correct? Is that biblical? I really don't think it is.

single/certain said...

sorry if i was confusing... i don't think you need to be married to be 'complete.'

god said 'it's not good for man to be alone.' he didn't say 'it is a sin and wrong for man to be alone.'

but maybe we need to define 'complete'? i think that marriage is the plan god has for most of us, and that marriage brings the partnership and companionship that most of us (myself included) are wired for.

but, if i die tomorrow, i won't die 'incomplete.' if i live as a single woman for another 20 years, i won't be living those years 'incomplete.'

god gives us our daily bread. he never gives us more or less than we need. so if i am single today, then i am complete today. he has given me enough. i know there are verses for this, just can't think of 'em right now.

MarkyMark said...

I can't believe this question is even being ASKED! Anyone who knows anything about the Bible can tell you that this is Barbara Streisand! That's what BS stands for when the initials have, er, a more polite meaning... :)

Anyway, in Genesis 2, Matthew 19, and I Cor. 7, I think we can glean the following: 1) God did not make us to be alone; 2) that there are few who CAN be alone; 3) and that those who can be alone are endowed with a supernatural, spiritual gift to do so.

No, this is feminist thought, no doubt paying homage to Gloria Steinem and her clever, little, man-bashing quote from 30-40 years ago: a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. It was a lie then, and it's a lie now. If women didn't want marriage, then riddle me this: why do you see bridal magazines bigger than many phone directories out there? Yeah, I know, and I rest my case!


single/certain said...

markymark.... wow.
first of all 'and that those who can be alone are endowed with a supernatural, spiritual gift to do so.'

what gift is this? i've been alone for over 10 years now, and still struggle with lust in several forms. i have no special gift.

and just because a person WANTS something, doesn't mean they have to have it and will get it. i want to be married; i was designed for marriage. but there are bigger things in creation than my wants and desires. lest we forget, we're all part of a bigger picture.

Christina said...


Like you said, you were created for marriage...not celibacy.

You have not been endowed with any special gift for celibacy.

Because you were created for marriage, being single is going to be significantly more difficult - and your singleness, though always in God's control, is always going to be affected by the world we live in. I'm sure that in a perfect world, we'd all find out soul mates so much faster than we do, but we don't...

Its just that what you said - you were created for marriage. If you were created for marriage, and you are not married, is a part of you not being used? Are you, as I said it that may not be the best word for it, complete?

You may be WHOLE, but are you complete?

Christina said...

oh...and S/C...

This isn't about inferiority or anything...

Its just that that niggling feeling I felt for so long felt like something was missing in my life...

And it bothered me when people (with the best of intentions) would criticize that feeling of "incompleteness", telling me that I need to be complete in Christ.

The question is...is that TRUE? After all, Adam was not complete. And like Mark said, some are created to not need marriage but others ARE...

I don't think you and I were created for lifelong singleness.

single/certain said...

no prob, christina... i know it's not about inferiority! i'm enjoying this discussion with you, and don't feel hurt or offended or anything :)

ok, so i was designed to be married, but more importantly than that, i was designed and put on earth to worship god. that is my primary purpose, not marriage.

i agree that when i am lonely and want to be married, it sucks to hear, 'you need to feel completed in christ first!' ugh, i want to hit those people, and say, 'right, because you were made perfect, and then you met your spouse."

however... i do think there's some truth to that in christ thing. i am still single. that is his will for me right now. not forever, but for right now. i am complete when i am in his will.

who are we to say that just because we don't have what we want, we are not 'complete'? i was designed to be able to have children; if i don't, am i not complete?

i just think that singleness is harder because it's not the norm. but god calls us to take control of ourselves. our passions, our desires.. we have to reign them in and not live like the pagans do. it's much harder to do that as a single person than a married person. but just because it's harder, doesn't mean it signifies a lack of completeness.

ok. rambling. sorry :)

Bhanu Prasad said...

We are hard wired for pair bonding. It is not Theology or Bible or Feminism. It is hard science.

Being single or unmarried is either a sacrifice for other pleasures(or to escape from a certain danger) or a plain lack of opportunity.

I laugh at people who say that they are most happy when single. No..You cannot be and you wouldn't be. It's just against the biology.

Case closed.