Thursday, September 25, 2008

I Know Why Women Nag

Fear.

Such a simple and humble answer, isn't it?

Seriously, I've promised myself to never nag...and the fact that I'm marrying a guy who strongly enjoys saying things simply for my reaction is not going to help me keep that promise.

He's a very social guy. Previously, he's stated he wants to entertain friends in his home when he buys a house (Football parties, cook-offs, etc). Of course, ALL of this sounds like fun to me, as well, and I'm looking forward to getting to play hostess and throw on my new NY Giants jersey (I must tell him that I want that for my birthday) and waddle around with a growing tummy, replenishing popcorn bowl, ice bowl, and enjoying the Super Bowl on our giant TV Screen (that he absolutely wants) with all our friends.

Or experimenting with my cooking skills and inviting friends over for a friendly poker game, serving stuffed shrimp or home-made mini quiche...

When I mentioned to him today that I want to get addresses to start inviting people to an engagement/bridal party and so that I have them for a HOUSEWARMING party, he said "Absolutely Not!" He didn't want all those people in his new house making a mess (that he will have to help clean...). I found myself wondering if I really knew him...

The need to keep him in the category that he was in when I agreed to marry him is strong...its not that I won't love him any less...its not that I don't think I'll love him if he changes...its that I like who is right now... I already KNOW this is easy for me to love... Its like the song by Sara Groves called "Painting Pictures of Egypt" - we want to go back to where we've been, even with its faults and all, because the future feels so scary...simply because its unknown. We don't know what to expect, we don't know what we'll find. It could be amazing and SO much better than anything we could have imagined...but it could also be painful, scary, and dark. And we all know its going to be a little bit of both...

So, I find myself insisting (strongly) on him letting us throw parties in our new home... not nagging...not yet... but somehow it felt wrong.

Even though it turns out he was just messing with my head...

3 comments:

Wonder Woman said...

Insisting and nagging are COMPLETELY different :)

LOL - He keeps it all fresh and new for ya both, huh?

Niiiiice ;)

Bhanu Prasad said...

Women crave for security. Be it emotional, physical or economic.

Nagging is a covert attempt by the woman to "discipline" her man to provide security to the family. It has a sound logical base in some cases. But many a times it ends up in
a broken relationship

Christina said...

Just for the record,

I'm not CONDONING nagging. Its wrong. Simple as that.

I can just UNDERSTAND where the need for it arises.

Emotional and physical abuse always arise from something the instigator needs...whether it be security, power, or strength. It doesn't make it right.

However, I think my actually REALIZING where the need for nagging originates may actually help me find a non-sinful way of dealing with that particular off-setting emotion.

Now that I know that my inclination to nag begins with fear, next time I find myself in such a situation where I begin nagging, rather than continue what I'm doing, I should STOP, consider, and COMMUNICATE properly and respectfully with my husband on what is REALLY bothering me...

Maybe the reason why I don't want him to be out late with his buddies is because he's in a part of town where crimes are rampant and DUIs are frequent - and I'm afraid for his safety.

Maybe the reason why I want HIM to do the dishes tonight is because I'm afraid he's losing interest in the running of his household...and I feel a need to have him prove his loyalty to his home and family.

Maybe the reason why I want him to stop playing his stupid video game while he's telling his parents incredibly important news is because him playing those games while tellling this news makes me afraid that he's really not ready for this...but there's no turning back, anymore - and I'm scared and I NEED him to be supportive...

But you know, nagging him about coming home too late, or nagging him about doing dishes, or nagging him about playing video games when people are trying to talk to him won't HELP the situation any...

However, being open and honest with him about what I'm feeling IS going to help...because NOW he knows what he's dealing with and WHAT to respond to.

He can tell me that he always leaves downtown before the bars start to empty. He can tell me that he's been very stressed out at work lately and he needs a rest so he can be productive the next day so he doesn't lose his job and jeopardize our entire family. He can tell me that he's excited about our news but he always gets nervous when talking serious to his parents...because he NEVER does that...and he doesn't quite know how to channel that nervousness into actually focusing on what he's saying, but that he's happy and doesn't want this to be any different than it is.

This post isn't about NAGGING being GOOD. Its actually not even about NAGGING being BAD - its about recognizing its source...and how to avoid actually DOING it while still being honest with myself and my husband.